Three things I’m taking away from my Life Coaching session this morning:
1. I’m going to work with the “negative” voice that regularly pipes up with annoying statements like: “You’re not good enough.”
I’m going to coach this voice. I’ll listen to it and be there with it and ask it how it feels to believe such a statement.
I understand that it’s there for a reason. It’s actually there for my good as it’s showing me what I need to look at in order to heal. And so I give it, I give myself, compassion.
2. I’m not going to make assumptions or take things personally (And even if I do, I’ll be aware that I’m doing it).
I can’t know why anyone does or doesn’t do something. I don’t know what’s going on in their heads or what issues they have in their lives.
3. I’m going to stop focussing on all the things I can’t do and all the things I’m not.
Instead, I concentrate on my uniqueness and on the wonderful talents that I’m bringing to the world around me. We’re all different. There’s beauty in that.
And a fourth one that didn’t arise from the coaching session but that has made itself known to me in a more obvious manner than ever before:
It’s all unfolding perfectly.
I simply have to get out of my head and drop into my heart. Let go of control. Release fear. Relax.
I am present. I am open. I trust. And I realise that everything I need is provided for me. I allow, accept and give gratitude.
Sometimes, what comes isn’t how I would have imagined it. It may even hurt as I attempt to resist it.
But the learning and growth that emerges from what does come makes me realise that everything happens for a reason. And the incredible people and gifts that appear are better than anything I ever could have planned.
Posted in Personal development, Positive Thinking, Spirituality
Tagged acceptance, allowing, anger, assumptions, beauty, beliefs, coaching, compassion, control, don miguel ruiz, emotions, empathy, fear, feelings, focus, gifts, gratitude, grief, growth, head, heart, inner critic, inner voice, insights, judgement, law of attraction, learning, letting go, life, life coaching, listening, living, manifestation, negative thinking, negativity, openness, peace, people, perfection, personal development, positive thinking, presence, present, present moment, relaxation, sadness, self-acceptance, self-development, self-esteem, self-worth, talents, the four agreements, thinking, thoughts, trust, understanding, unique, universe, world
It’s a sunny day in beautiful Barcelona and I am alone. My friend had an earlier flight to catch but instead of travelling with her to the airport and hanging around there for a few hours, I find my way to a park and sit facing the sun.
I watch the other park dwellers. There are groups of friends chatting, drinking and dancing. Couples sleep side by side, holding hands. A few solitary figures read or play with their phones. Others jog, cycle and saunter by.
I have no book, no notepad, no music. Usually, I have all three. Today, I am forced to sit and do nothing.
Earlier on, I noticed my mood drop. I went into fear around business and money. I spoke harshly to myself for not being successful enough. Where’s your get-up-and-go, I asked myself. You need more drive.
I compared myself to other women, judging myself for not being as slim, toned, pretty or stylish. No wonder those girls are in relationships, I thought. They’re cool and confident. You’re not.
I also criticised myself for not undertaking enough big challenges with regard to the Rejection Therapy I’m currently doing.
Suddenly, sitting here on Spanish soil, I have an awareness. I realise that, despite not actively seeking rejection, I am still being rejected. By myself. And that makes me feel sad.
Asian men with plastic bags walk by, repeating the mantra: “Agua! Cerveza!” I purchase a one euro can of beer and sip it as I sit and watch and think and feel the sunlight on my skin. A welcome feeling of calm settles upon me.
I understand that, when I project into what may or may not happen in the future, I feel overwhelmed. I’ll just take it one step at a time, I decide. I can manage that.
I also have a knowing that comparing myself to others just doesn’t feel good. I am what I am. All I have to do is be present. And enjoy the moment.
And for one whole hour, I do.
Me. In Barcelona.
Posted in Modern Society, Personal development, Positive Thinking
Tagged peace, meditation, fear, mind, alcohol, travel, perfection, confidence, calm, nature, present moment, love, self-esteem, friendship, relationships, self-image, life, acceptance, rejection, sadness, friends, self-acceptance, beauty, thoughts, living, body, determination, sunshine, business, men, holidays, women, body image, beer, judgement, thinking, money, future, presence, enjoyment, mood, mindfulness, overwhelmed, drive, negative thinking, motivation, projections, rejection therapy, finances, comparing, barcelona, park, couples
Some of you will be familiar with a popular song of the moment, “Cheerleader”by OMI. Well, up until Sunday night, I thought the lyrics went something like this: “Oh I think that I found myself a cherry air.”
Which makes no sense at all but I happily sang along anyway while enjoying the sunshiney sound of the trumpet.
On Sunday night, I was in a beer garden when OMI’s reggae tune came on. “Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader,” one woman sang as she threw her hands in the air. Oh!
I’ve since heard the song several times and now that I know what OMI is actually singing, I can’t not hear it. This got me thinking. Is it the same with awareness? Once you have an awareness/insight/Aha moment, you can’t unhave it.
Anyway, that’s my thought for the day (well, one of them at least).
Posted in Personal development, Random
Tagged aha moment, awareness, cheerleader, depth, friends, funny, humour, insights, instrument, introspection, lyrics, music, night out, OMI, pop, reggae, song, summer, sunshine, thinking, thoughts, trumpet
It’s Day 6 of Rejection Therapy and I’ve done the following:
- Asked out an international superstar (no response)
- Asked all 447 of my Facebook friends if they wanted to hang out with me (nothing came of that either)
- Said hello to lots of strangers (all bar one said hello back)
- Asked for a discount on the entrance ticket to a nightclub (my cheekiness didn’t pay off but I got a kick out of asking)
- Chatted up a hot guy (it worked)
- Texted aforementioned hot guy (no reply – more on that in a sec)
- Struck up a conversation with a man who was waiting for me to finish with the parking ticket machine (he was very friendly)
- And other stuff that I do anyway on a daily basis but I guess it still involves putting myself out there (adding friends on Facebook, posting revealing blogs on t’internet, opening up to my peers, asking people to do things with/for me)
In other news, the young lad got back in touch. I decided to react with integrity. I told him that I feel we’re not on the same page and I wished him luck. He didn’t respond. But I feel empowered. In Matthew Hussey’s words, I’m a High-Value Woman. I deserve better. And I’m sending out that message from now on.
As for the hot guy, he gave me his number and told me to text him. So I did. He didn’t reply either.
I have to admit, it stung. I found myself diving into a negative spiral of All or Nothing thinking. No guy ever wants to get to know/go out with me. I began to question the point of this whole Rejection Therapy game.
Moments later, I wondered what I’d do today in order to get rejected. And that was enough to get me back on that horse and stop dwelling on one guy I met once.
Six days in and I’ve learned that I’m human. I accept that I have an ego and that rejection hurts. But I can handle it. I pick myself up and I move on. And it does get easier.
Six days in and I realise that it’s the fear of rejection that stops us from putting ourselves out there. And if we allow ourselves to be controlled by that fear, we could be closing ourselves off to many amazing opportunities.
So maybe it is worth feeling rejected every once in a while if it means being open to an abundance of possibility.
As I drive home tonight, I have two big awarenesses:
- Because I presume I’ll be rejected, I close down. I don’t make any effort to connect, which likely pushes the other person away.
- I react not to actual events but to my beliefs. When I believe that I’m always rejected, I experience rejection. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does because what I believe is true for me.
So all I need to do is change my beliefs. For instance, when Hot Guy doesn’t reply, it doesn’t have to be because he doesn’t like me and no guy ever wants to date me. His reasons for not replying aren’t actually important. What is important is that how I feel about myself (that I’m beautiful and worthwhile) doesn’t change in accordance with Hot Guy’s actions.
All this challenge and introspection may seem like hard work but it’s strengthening my foundation of self-worth so that, pretty soon (hopefully), it will be, I will be, unshakeable.
Posted in Personal development, Positive Thinking, Random
Tagged abundance, acceptance, anger, attraction, awareness, beauty, beliefs, blog, blogging, bravery, challenges, confidence, connection, core, courage, dating, depression, disappointment, ego, emotions, empowerment, experience, facebook, fear, feelings, foundations, friendship, get the guy, high value woman, human, insight, introspection, learning, life, living, love, matthew hussey, men, negative thinking, negative thoughts, nights out, openness, opportunity, positive thinking, positivity, possibility, power, reality, rejection therapy, relationships, resilience, sadness, self-esteem, self-worth, strength, thinking, thoughts, vibes, vulnerability, women, writing