Yesterday, I took part in teaching a class. I prepared what I would speak about, dressed up for the occasion, and delivered my presentation. I received excellent feedback and felt I was behaving quite professionally.
After the lunch break, everybody was sitting and waiting for class to resume. I sat down and, right in front of everyone, I fell right through the chair, landing on my ass. We all laughed, my cheeks reddened (the ones on my face!) and we continued on.
As I sat there, trying not to guffaw, I realised that this was a hilarious lesson on not taking myself too seriously. I’d had an emotional week and I’d been feeling tired and fed up. It all felt like hard work. But I was proud of myself for getting through it and doing my best. And then I fell, bum in the air, in front of a room full of people.
Last night, I drank a glass of wine with my mother, watched ridiculous YouTube clips with my sister, and smashed open a coconut like I used to as a child on Hallowe’en. I slept in my childhood bed and didn’t get up until almost midday, skipping an all-day workshop that I could have attended.
If yesterday’s incident has taught me anything, it’s that I need to lighten up, have fun and enjoy life for what it is, instead of attempting to control everything and be perfect.
The funny thing is that, even if I do wind up bum in the air in front of everyone, we can all laugh about it, and the show still goes on.
Posted in Health, Positive Thinking, Random
Tagged acceptance, adulthood, childhood, control, difficulty, embarrassment, emotions, enjoyment, family, flow, fun, funny, hallowe'en, humiliation, humour, inner child, lessons, letting go, life, living, mortification, perfection, poetry, sense of humour, serious, teaching, the x factor, tiredness, work, youtube
Last weekend, sitting in front of a roaring fire and feasting on cheese and red wine, I asked my friend: “What fills you with passion?”
“What do you mean exactly,” he wondered.
“What makes you feel totally alive,” I rephrased.
He paused before answering then turned the question back to me. Images of myself in various scenarios flashed before me. I listed them.
“Getting lost in music. Dancing alone in my apartment. Singing while driving.
Nature. Swimming in the ocean and marvelling at the panoramic scenery.
Writing. When I’m inspired, nothing can stop me from putting pen to paper. Time stands still.
Sunshine. Travel. Experiencing different cultures, foods, languages and landscapes.
Belly laughing with friends and family. Deep conversations.
Writing them down now makes me smile. It stirs something inside of me. This is what living is all about.
The simple yet show-stopping moments. Points of pure presence. These times to be truly thankful for.
What fills you with passion and gratitude? And how do you feel when you remember these wonderful things?
Posted in Positive Thinking, Random
Tagged affection, beauty, culture, dance, family, food, friendship, gratitude, happiness, inspiration, languages, laughter, life, living, love, memories, music, nature, passion, presence, simplicity, singing, sunshine, travel, writing
These past few days, I’ve been questioning whether I’m holding the belief that good things don’t last. It’s like I dare not presume that it’ll all work out. I’ve been almost expecting things to go wrong.
I certainly don’t want to think this way and I’m afraid that this type of thinking will turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But how do I shake such a belief? On the one hand, I’ve managed to become much more positive in many areas of my life. I often go back to the mantra: If one can, everyone can. But I haven’t yet integrated this optimism into all aspects of my life.
As I drive to work today, I tell myself that I’m going to have to shift this. And soon. But how? Do I need to do more tapping and thinking? Should I book in with an energy therapist or a Life Coach?
And then it dawns on me. I don’t have to do anything at all. I just have to stay present. It’s so simple that I might actually have to stop struggling.
What would I do with all the time and energy if I’m not worrying, resisting and analysing? I might have nothing left to write about.
Earlier today, I was speaking to someone about setting up a mindfulness evening. I remarked: “Some people might find the idea of a mindfulness evening boring. We’re so addicted to drama.”
And we are. We get caught up in the highs and lows of life. We love to complain and gossip, fantasise and catastrophise, daydream and reminisce. The thought of sitting in meditation and being present, without constantly narrating or being entertained by our loquacious imaginations, isn’t all that appealing.
My friend told me how beneficial he finds practising mindfulness. He pointed out that the more we sit in meditation, the more automatic mindfulness becomes in our day-to-day lives. It’s no longer such an effort to stay present. It just is. And we just are. He adds:
“And one day, a cup of tea is enough to bring you into total presence.”
I thank him for this beautiful reminder, then go right back to trying to decide what to do tonight. Should I stay in or go to that party? If I go out, will I enjoy it? Will I be too tired at class tomorrow?
I listen to this internal dialogue and bring myself back to the present. I don’t have to decide anything right now. I can see what I feel like doing when it’s time to do it. And I can enjoy this moment because I’m in it.
It really is that easy. No fuss. Just presence.
Well, that was an anti-climax.
Posted in Modern Society, Personal development, Positive Thinking
Tagged acceptance, addiction, analysing, anticipation, assumptions, beliefs, boredom, complaining, concentration, drama, energy, enjoyment, excitement, expectations, future, gossiping, imagination, internal dialogue, life, life coaching, living, meditation, mindfulness, negativity, optimism, past, positivity, presence, resistance, self-fulfilling prophecy, simplicity, struggle, suffering, tapping, thinking, thoughts, worry, writing
Something happened this week that left me feeling extremely vulnerable. Instead of acknowledging my reaction, I ignored it and hoped it would disappear all by itself.
This morning, I set off on a fairly long journey. I switch on the radio to distract myself from how I’m feeling. Just as I turn up the volume, I miss my exit. I want to cry. But that won’t do. I’m wearing mascara.
I know that my upset isn’t really about getting lost on the motorway. It’s about the vulnerability that I’m trying to suppress. Issues around love, rejection and self-worth are simmering beneath the surface.
I want to be strong and independent. But now that I’m well and truly lost in a foreign part of the country, I realise that a lot of that is fake. I’m putting up walls in an attempt to protect myself. Act like you don’t care, Sharon. Then you can’t be hurt.
Where’s the logic in that? Is anybody benefitting from this performance? I think not. And I know it’s not real. So of course I can still feel pain. I’m just hiding it from others. And while I’m feigning nonchalance, I’m disconnecting from the full potential of the present experience.
I don’t know where I am or where I’m going. I allow the tears to roll down my cheeks. I give myself permission to feel the fear, to embrace it, to listen to its voice, and to open up to what is.
As I drive into unfamiliar territory, I spot a lone tree in a large green field. I feel an irrational kind of sadness for this solitary tree.
But who’s to say the tree is on its own? Is the tree separate from its roots and leaves and branches? Is the grass beneath it a part of it too? And the air that caresses its limbs? Where does the tree begin and does it ever end?
In The Infinite Way, Joel S. Goldsmith writes:
“The wave is one with the ocean, indivisible and inseparable from the whole ocean. All that the ocean is, the wave is; and all the power, all the energy, all the strength, the life and all the substance of the ocean are expressed in every wave. The wave has access to all that lies beneath it, for the wave really is the ocean, just as the ocean is the wave, inseparable, indivisible, one. Note here this very important point: There is no place where one wave comes to an end and the next wave begins, so the oneness of the wave with the ocean includes the oneness of every wave with every other wave.”
If there is no separation, there can be no rejection. It is only my thinking about abandonment that causes suffering. In my resistance to what is, I’m floundering.
I let go. It doesn’t matter what happens. And what has already occurred is perfect too. I surrender.
A sense of calm settles around me like a blanket of sunbeams. I feel cleansed. I really am okay. I’m whole and open and connected.
I take a chance on an unknown direction and it brings me to where I’m meant to be.
Posted in Personal development, Spirituality, Uncategorized
Tagged abandonment, acceptance, acting, beliefs, belonging, calm, connection, control, emotion, experience, fear, feelings, future, healing, humanity, hurt, illusion, independence, irrational, joel s goldsmith, journey, letting go, life, living, logic, lost, love, openness, pain, past, peace, perfection, presence, present, pretending, reality, rejection, relationships, resistance, sadness, self-love, self-protection, self-worth, separation, strength, surrender, the infinite way, thinking, thoughts, unfamiliar, unknown, upset, vulnerability
Do you ever feel lost? Unsure of your next step? Hesitant about which direction you’re going to take?
Will you move house, emigrate or travel the world? Would it be more sensible to start your own business or remain an employee? Should you go after this guy or that girl or concentrate on your own growth?
Well, I’m feeling pretty lost right now. I’m all over the place. And I’m angry with myself for thinking so hard and not being present.
I’m impatient too. I want to find all the answers immediately. I need to make decisions. And I worry that I don’t have the luxury of time.
But I’m afraid. Should I take the risks and trust that it’ll all work out? That it’s already unfolding exactly as it’s meant to? That I’m okay just as I am?
Today, I opened up to a friend about all this. She reminded me to tell myself that even though I don’t know what to do, I love and accept myself. Even though I feel shame and embarrassment, fear and anxiety, anger and annoyance, sadness and grief, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. She got me to tap on the feelings that arose as I spoke these words. As I tapped, I remembered this quote:
“Wherever you go, there you are.”
I can find beauty and despair anywhere. It doesn’t matter if I’m in Ireland or Greece, Thailand or Australia, if I’m in my current flat or a quiet house in the countryside, if I’m loved up or single (I can be loved up and single too of course).
All I have to work on is myself. Once I feel inner peace, everything else will fall into place. I must raise my own energy and the right path will beckon.
Right now, I feel vulnerable. Shaky. Part of me is too proud to admit this. To show my weaknesses and risk disapproval. But I’m doing it anyway.
Here I am in all my naked glory. I’m not perfect. I feel scared and uncertain. And that’s okay.
I could ask friends and family for advice. I could make an appointment with a life coach. I could listen to my acupuncturist’s words of wisdom. And I’m tempted to do all of those things. But I know that I have the answers. I need to take time out, switch off my phone, be in nature, sit in stillness and listen…
I still don’t feel good. But these emotions, events, deadlines and ultimatums are mirrors that are reflecting back to me the things I need to look at. They’re presenting me with an opportunity to make changes for the better. And I’m grateful for that.
It might seem like doors are closing but that shouldn’t limit me if I see the world as my playground. So instead of shutting down and resisting, I’m unlocking and allowing.
I have cracked open and that doesn’t feel safe. But it feels right.
Posted in Modern Society, Personal development
Tagged acceptance, acupuncture, adventure, advice, allowing, anaïs nin, anger, answers, anxiety, approval, beauty, bereavement, business, challenges, change, choice, codependency, comfort zone, courage, death, despair, doubt, eft, ego, emigration, emotional freedom technique, emotions, energy, fear, feelings, friendship, gratitude, grief, imperfection, inner peace, life, life coaching, living, loss, love, meditation, mindfulness, mirrors, nature, now, open, opportunity, patience, peace, presence, pride, relationships, resistance, risk, sadness, safety, self-acceptance, self-development, self-employment, self-love, shame, single, stillness, tapping, the tapping solution, time, travel, uncertainty, vibration, vulnerability, weakness, wherever you go there you are, work, world