Tag Archives: girls

Broken Windows

Since injuring my back at the gym on Sunday, I’ve had to take it easy. This means not doing my usual workout routine. And it’s been hard. I joined the gym in January and, while I signed up because I enjoy exercising and sweating and being healthy, I’ve also delighted in toning up, wearing tighter outfits and having people tell me that I look amazing. Who wouldn’t, right?

Part of me knew that I shouldn’t put too much value on my physical appearance. It’s dangerous attaching how good you’re feeling to something so transient. And another part of me told myself to relish it while it lasted. Which may also be saying something about an unconscious belief that good things don’t last very long. But that’s another day’s work (or blog post).

So, I haven’t been able to hit the gym this week and I noticed my mood dipping a little. I started wearing looser clothing as though I’d gained weight in just a few days. Another reason for feeling out of sorts was that I’d been, quite literally, stopped in my tracks. I had to accept the situation and understand that these things happen for a reason. There was a learning here somewhere (lots of lessons, in fact) if I were to cease feeling sorry for myself long enough to go looking.

Gretchen Rubin writes about the “broken windows theory” of policing, which holds that when a society tolerates minor crimes such as broken windows, graffiti and drinking in public, people are more likely to commit more serious crimes. Rubin suggests that this can also be true on a personal level. These are the signs of disorder that make you feel out of control and overwhelmed. For me, they are not leaving the house all day, not getting my class preparation done and not exercising. Rubin says that enforcing small signs of order makes us feel more in control and happier.

The theory makes sense and it’s great to get things done and to look after yourself. However, this does not mean being rigid. Sometimes, we have to let go of control or we’ll end up miserable. Life happens. We cannot base our happiness on how we think we should look or on how much exercise we feel we should be getting. If we have too many “broken windows” and those shattered panes are destroying our inner peace, we need to look at building the inner peace and self-love and to hell with the windows for a while.

This week, I’ve been watching TV series GirlsThe main character is a 24-year-old writer who’s carrying a bit of extra weight. She gets lots of men and struts around naked. The more I’m watching, the more I’m used to seeing a fleshier actress. This goes to show that the more exposed we are to skinny celebrities, the more we believe that this is the way we all should look. It’s refreshing to watch a show where the characters’ appearances are a little more normal. Even the sexiest female character has a bit of belly and often doesn’t wear a scrap of makeup. And she’s still a beauty. A natural one.

In one of the episodes, leading lady Hannah admits that she’s just like everyone else, that she wants to be happy. That she feels alone. And that she’d been trying to control the way things happened and how she was feeling. Isn’t that why we do what we do in life? To feel happier, less alone and more in control? Why we diet and exercise? Why we purchase new clothes and cut our hair? Why we study for exams and work? Why we save money and buy houses? Why we search for partners and start families?

But beneath the need for happiness, connection and control is a longing for love. And where better to begin than with yourself? Just because. No only-whens and only-ifs. Unconditional love. If you had that, you wouldn’t need to do anything, have anything or control anything. It wouldn’t disappear as soon as your job or relationship ended. It wouldn’t crumble when you gained weight or grew older. It wouldn’t elude you until you had a house and a successful career. It would be a part of you always. It is you. You’ve just forgotten. It’s already there. And it strengthens with use. Today, instead of going to the gym, I choose to exercise my unconditional love. It’s tougher than any workout but the reward makes it so worthwhile.

im not beautiful like you

Outside the Zone…

Here are a couple of small steps I’ve recently taken outside my comfort zone…

I was getting ready for a night out with the girls (no matter how old we become, I refuse to call them anything different), when my sister offered to do my makeup. She has a real flair for beauty so I agreed. After she had bronzed and highlighted and made my cheekbones look higher and my lips fuller, she asked: “Can I put fake eyelashes on you?” I hesitated. It would surely be the first thing everyone would notice about me. What if they looked so great that I no longer felt my own little lashes were good enough? Imagine if I was chatting to a cute guy and he looked at me in horror as they slid down my face. “There’s something terribly wrong,” he’d stammer, his face pale.

In case you haven’t noticed, I think too much. I blinked uneasily before blurting, “Why the hell not?” And they looked fantastic! As I walked up town towards the busy night club, I shielded my eyes from the wind and rain and demanded that my friend tell me if my eyelashes fell off. They didn’t.

This morning, I offered to cut a woman’s toenails because she’s in pain and can’t bend to do it herself. Before, I would never have willingly taken on such a task but I told myself, What’s the difference between her feet and mine? She was surprised and pleased and relieved. And she was humble enough to allow me do it. This simple act reinforced for me the beauty of connection and oneness, vulnerability and helping another human being out.

These two experiences are examples of tiny moves away from my comfort zone. You don’t have to run fast or leap far to challenge yourself. Today, I dare you to do something, anything, that you wouldn’t have done before. And if you can do that, imagine what else you could do…

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." Neale Donald Walsch

Image: http://www.thephotoargus.com/inspiration/40-breathtaking-examples-of-serene-sunrise-photography/