Recently, somebody told me that he made a list of all the qualities he’d like in a romantic partner. Then he whittled it down to 20 characteristics, which he decided would be non-negotiable. A few weeks later, he met a woman who embodied everything on his list. And now she’s his girlfriend.
Hours later, I made my own list. At first, I jotted down all the qualities I’d like in a partner. Then I decided upon 20 characteristics that my partner would need to have.
Moments after making the list, I was already clearer about what I want. My mind flitted to a few guys who have been hovering on the outskirts of my romantic horizon. Immediately, I realised that none of them are the right man for me.
Reliable and Confident are two of the qualities on my list. One of the men is unreliable. Another is insecure. Having either of these men as a partner would probably drive me to distraction.
If I’d made the list earlier, I wouldn’t have even spent energy on considering them as partners. Then again, I’ve changed a lot recently so now is probably the perfect time to dream up this marvellous man menu.
Of course, I know that men are humans too. Everybody has flaws and weaknesses. And a wonderful part of being in a relationship is loving somebody unconditionally. But there are certain characteristics on my list that are essential for me.
I want my man to have a zest for life, an open mind and a good sense of humour. He is attractive, loving, strong and affectionate. He’s intelligent, respectful, honest and trustworthy. And he’s a good communicator. I’m not asking for much, am I?
Interestingly, my list got me wondering if I possess all of the qualities I’m looking for in somebody else. It turns out, I have most of them. But it’s made me aware that there are a few areas that I need to work on. So I will.
If you’re single and hoping to meet a special someone, why not make a list describing your perfect partner? What are your non-negotiables? Be clear about what you’re looking for so you’ll know it when you see it.
Three things I’m taking away from my Life Coaching session this morning:
1. I’m going to work with the “negative” voice that regularly pipes up with annoying statements like: “You’re not good enough.”
I’m going to coach this voice. I’ll listen to it and be there with it and ask it how it feels to believe such a statement.
I understand that it’s there for a reason. It’s actually there for my good as it’s showing me what I need to look at in order to heal. And so I give it, I give myself, compassion.
2. I’m not going to make assumptions or take things personally (And even if I do, I’ll be aware that I’m doing it).
I can’t know why anyone does or doesn’t do something. I don’t know what’s going on in their heads or what issues they have in their lives.
3. I’m going to stop focussing on all the things I can’t do and all the things I’m not.
Instead, I concentrate on my uniqueness and on the wonderful talents that I’m bringing to the world around me. We’re all different. There’s beauty in that.
And a fourth one that didn’t arise from the coaching session but that has made itself known to me in a more obvious manner than ever before:
It’s all unfolding perfectly.
I simply have to get out of my head and drop into my heart. Let go of control. Release fear. Relax.
I am present. I am open. I trust. And I realise that everything I need is provided for me. I allow, accept and give gratitude.
Sometimes, what comes isn’t how I would have imagined it. It may even hurt as I attempt to resist it.
But the learning and growth that emerges from what does come makes me realise that everything happens for a reason. And the incredible people and gifts that appear are better than anything I ever could have planned.
I just received a gift. A big one. I am shocked and delighted. And I can see how much pleasure these extremely generous people are deriving from my reaction. Yet there is an element of resistance within me. It’s like I feel it is unfair for me to be presented with this when other people would have to work hard to get it.
For the past number of months, every morning before I get out of bed and sometimes before I fall asleep, I’ve been giving gratitude for all the wonderful aspects of my life. For those who haven’t heard of the law of attraction, the theory is that whatever you put your attention on multiplies. I don’t believe it’s really about material manifestations. Rather, it involves generating more of that beautiful feeling of gratitude, and this means creating more things in your life that you’re grateful for.
So even though I hadn’t specifically asked for this, and a part of me feels oddly guilty upon receiving it, my attitude of gratitude is working. Clearly, I have issues I need to be aware of. So I can start believing I deserve good things in my life. So I can understand that guilt is a useless, destructive emotion. So I can realise that things don’t have to be difficult. And so I can stop caring what others might think of me. If I manage to achieve all that, who knows what other exciting surprises are just around the corner.
I want amazing things for you too so I suggest that you start practising gratitude daily. Keep a gratitude journal or mentally list off a number of things you’re thankful for each day. And watch the little (and large) miracles that come your way. Enjoy. You deserve it.
Today, I overheard a man ask a woman a rather unusual question: “What would you do if you had a big bag of feathers and the wind caught it and blew the feathers all over the place?” I couldn’t hear the woman’s response but she looked indignant. The man considered his companion’s answer before saying: “You should see it as a challenge. You should look at what kind of day it is and enjoy picking up each and every feather.”
I felt like I needed to hear this strange conversation. Just earlier, I had read an article that caught my attention because its title was “Having a Low Point is Actually a Good Thing”. And tonight, a friend was texting me about living in the present moment. Yet again, life was waving a giant banner in my line of sight until I could ignore it no longer.
I’ve written a lot about acceptance and being present yet I still struggle when I trip up. It was only a few days ago when I stumbled upon (excuse the pun) this quote: “The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping-stones is how you use them.” Even though I believe that everything happens for a reason, I grow impatient every once in a while. I curse my “bad luck”. I wonder if I’ll ever have all the things I want to have. I try to control when things happen and what they’re going to look like. I know it’s foolish. And I know it’s impossible to forecast the outcome of every situation. Woody Allen once said: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
I realise that what I think would be best for me may in fact limit me in the long run. This is why, when people ask God or The Universe for something, they add: “This or something better.” I can’t tell what wonderful things are waiting for me in the wings. But I do know that worrying about the future or feeling lack instead of abundance is not helping me get where I want to get or, more importantly, enjoy where I am right now.
Tonight, as I flicked through Thich Nhat Hanh’sAnger, I came across a simple meditation. It involves silently saying these words: “Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out. In, out.” Now, that is taking life moment by moment. It may appear boring or tedious or frustrating but it is simple. And simple is exactly what I need. In, out. Here, now. Feather by beautiful feather.
This short video made me laugh so much. I’ve watched it several times since I saw it on Facebook last night. I delighted in watching someone so young engaging in this wonderful exercise on gratitude.
Take time to be grateful for what you have in your life. Set up your day by giving gratitude first thing in the morning. During the day, make note of all the things you like. And as Dr Wayne Dyer suggested, when you focus on what you love before you go to sleep, you marinade in those good feelings throughout the night.
The Law of Attraction shows us that we get what we give. When we give our attention to things, whether they are things we want or things we don’t want, we get what we focus upon. As the quote goes: “Where attention goes, energy flows.” So bring your awareness to what brings you happiness, to what makes you smile and to what lifts your spirits, and allow more of the good stuff to come your way. Enjoy!
As I tucked into a pita bread heaped with feta cheese, olives, tomato, cucumber, olive oil and oregano, I imagined that I was lounging on a sunny balcony overlooking the Mediterranean. A smile crept across my face as I soaked in the beauty of the scene that I had created. I instantly relaxed.
But it’s not as good as it would be if I were really there, I thought. The image (and the feeling) disappeared. Then, I realised that I could just as easily be on holidays and be so caught up in thought that I wouldn’t even see the white strand or the sun-kissed flowers. The worry, fear, disappointment or anger would smother the sounds of the ocean and the trilling of the birds.
It doesn’t matter where you are when you are not present. When you become lost in thought, you flee from the now. You are not accepting of what is. You tell yourself that you should achieve more and look better, that he should have done this, and she shouldn’t have done that. You long for the past and you wish for the future. You regret yesterday and dread tomorrow. You don’t recognise that you are in the company of another wonderful human being or that your eyes can witness the light in the sky. You forget to use your hands to touch, to feel, to embrace. You don’t appreciate the perfume of the sea air or the grass and trees after a sudden rainfall. You close yourself off to the peals of joy and the miracle of music. You don’t even notice that you are breathing, that you are alive.
Many people think that they are controlled by their thoughts. But you can decide what to focus on. Allow your thoughts to occur, then let them drift on by, like ripples in a stream. You don’t have to attach to or identify with them. Because these thoughts have the power to create your reality. What you think, you feel. And what you feel, you experience.
Being outdoors in nature, personal development, spirituality, teaching, yoga, friends & family, sunshine, good conversation, writing, a good cuppa, swimming in the sea, books, adventure, travel, learning, laughter, fun, good food, bear hugs…
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sharon Vogiatzi and betterthansurviving with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.