These past few days, I’ve experienced a surge of excess energy. I spent Saturday night dancing around my bedroom. I then completed a set of sit-ups and chin-ups, like a disciplined action hero preparing for a life-threatening escape from some high security prison. I’ve been running across the plains of the Curragh, jumping around the flat, and singing/shouting as I drive.
Maybe it’s the unexpected good weather. Perhaps it’s my mood. Or there could be something in the air… All I know is that I’m not complaining.
allposters.com
I’m listening to my body and it’s telling me that it has energy to burn. Though my mind insists that I should be tired after a full day in college, I’m allowing my body to unwind by expressing itself through rigorous exercise. It feels good to give some freedom to my body instead of being controlled exclusively by a mind that’s been influenced by years of unquestioned habits and rules.
If there is something in the air and you too are experiencing random bursts of energy, do something with it. If we were children, we’d be playing skipping and chasing and climbing trees. Don’t permit your society-moulded mind to dictate to you what, where, or when you can or cannot do the things you feel like doing. Unleash the bold child itching to get out. Jump up and down on your bed. Round up a gang of mates for a game of rounders. Spend a day at the beach swimming and racing along the sand. Go surfing or wakeboarding. Start up a tag rugby tournament. Spend an entire night on the dance floor. You’re free to do whatever it is you want to do. So do it!
Everywhere I drive, I sing/scream; mouth wide, fists in the air (when I’m not changing gears, of course). Florence and the Machine is great for this…
“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” Anais Nin
We perceive life, situations and people not as they are but as we are. Everything we look at and everything we experience is tinged with our own feelings, desires, fears and issues. If we perceive someone to be threatening, mean, condescending, or selfish, every action that person makes towards us will confirm those beliefs. If someone we believe to be generous, loving, caring, and helpful does the exact same thing as the first person, we will probably take it in a completely different, and more positive, way.
Our thoughts impact heavily on everything around us. They are what manifest as our own personal reality. A reality we have created. If you are unhappy with the way your life is going, alter your thoughts. I guarantee you will observe a change.
Think of life as a lake. A lake is a body of water. Nothing more, nothing less. But in this lake, the mountain sees itself shimmering up at him. The trees observe their trunks, leaves and branches swimming beneath them. The sky is perfectly reflected on the water. The moon dances there at night and the clouds play chasing across its surface. The mountain, trees, sky, moon and clouds are not part the lake. Yet their images are clearly evident.
However, if you put your hands into the lake and really feel it, you will break up this reflection. Once you get past the surface of your perception, the delusion becomes blurred. This is what you need to do in life. Slice through the illusion and see things for what they really are. Yes, there is a lot to be learned from what is mirrored back to you. Simply take on this awareness. Then, somersault into living. Splash about and make your own waves. Dive into the depths of your consciousness. But most importantly of all, stop being blinded by your own reflection.
During the week, I went for a walk by the river. The sun sprinkled the air with opportunity, the birds were making themselves known, and a tiny snail crossed my path with quiet determination. A warm wind tackled me and I splayed out my arms like a child hoping to take flight. I was reminded of summer holidays on a beach in the west of Ireland. But I was no longer a carefree kid and it was just an ordinary day. However, instead of rationalising away this welcome feeling of freedom and spontaneity, I allowed myself to bask in it. I gazed at the water as it danced in delight beneath the sunbeams. I observed a crow as it slipped and slid off a signpost and I laughed as I wondered if it had momentarily forgotten that it could fly. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun.
My thought I am not on holidays could have ruined this beautiful moment. But why deny yourself feelings of enjoyment? You don’t have to designate yourself a mere two weeks of relaxation a year. At any time of your choosing, you can access that wonder and excitement you shower upon yourself whenever you enter a foreign land. Everything is new and exotic and has yet to be explored. When you’re on holidays, the reason you feel so alive and unburdened is because you are allowing yourself to live in the present moment. Imagine, you can bring that feeling to your everyday life. Isn’t that wonderful?
"A poet is someone who is astonished by everything."
Our thoughts dictate our feelings and experiences of the world around us. Last week, my aunt feared she’d lost her handbag, which was holding a huge wad of cash. She suffered pangs of panic and dread. It turns out she’d left the bag in her mother-in-law’s house. Her handbag was never missing and the money was never gone. Yet her thoughts about it all created a reality where she had just lost a large amount of money.
Anything can happen to you. Anything at all. But your thoughts about what is occurring (or what you believe is occurring) are shaping how you experience this reality. Approach each day with a sense of curiosity and inquisitiveness. Explore your world. Reacquaint yourself with the childlike innocence that once brought you so much joy.
Lately, I have been reintroducing that freshness and curiosity to my daily life. There is something to be learned from absolutely everything. Humour and enjoyment feature hugely in my interactions with the world. I am going with the flow. I appreciate the little things and marvel at the big things (the intricacies of nature and the universe, the power of the mind, the magnificence of goodwill). I am choosing to think good thoughts about the people around me and, as a result, my experience of humanity of late has been extremely positive.
So, the next time you’re walking the streets of your city, interacting with nature or other human beings, or bending into a warm spring breeze, bear in mind that what you choose to think in that moment will construct the very essence of your experience. The power is all yours.
You know this thing about how we manifest our own reality? Oftentimes, I ponder this exciting yet baffling concept. That and the philosophical riddle: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If I fabricate my own reality, does anyone else even exist? If you shape your own reality, do I exist outside of your perception of me?
If I am the designer of my own world, why, for example, can I not tell the guy I have a crush on that I like him? If I am the one who makes it all happen, I would confess my feelings for him. And, of course, he would jump at the chance to be with me.
But maybe my thoughts about myself are limiting my possibilities for happiness. He wouldn’t be interested in me. I’ll never experience a functional relationship. I don’t deserve success, prosperity, good health. The wooden blocks I have been using to build my life with are rotten. As a result, the wonderful universe I am hoping to construct lacks a solid foundation. Sooner or later, my world will come crashing down and I am the one who’s going to be crushed.
Well how about this, reality? If you are mine to mould, listen hard to the following instructions. I want (and finally believe I deserve) all the good things this life has stored in abundance for me. If I promise to be positive and gentle with myself, I trust that you will hold up your end of the bargain. Nice doing business with you.
A sense of loneliness descended upon me today. Instead of instantly calling someone, I took myself out for a long walk in the countryside. I gazed at the trees, which silently stood, bare and alone. They swayed in their solitude and darkness. But when I looked at them long enough, I could see that their loneliness had created spaces for growth and for the light to shine through…
And in time, vibrancy and colour, blossoms and birdsong will fill the air…
Today in work, I surprised myself at my reaction to a teeny tiny mouse. I screeched at a pitch high enough to shatter double glazed windows and raced into the next room. And I hadn’t even seen the thing. I’d heard some rustling, then another girl had said, in a wobbly voice, “I think it’s a mouse.” And that was enough. Several times, we ventured towards the bin the unfortunate creature was trapped in and each time it moved, I sprinted screaming from the room. Why was I acting like (excuse the sexist simile) such a little girl?
As I ponder this tonight, I recall an incident from a year ago. I had just moved into a flat that was infested with mice (a fact I unfortunately only learned after signing the lease). The landlord “kindly” deposited tempting trays of poison around the place. I had a friend over one night, who got to witness my banshee-like shrieking at the sighting of a petrified baby mouse on the stairs. The following morning, my friend left early. She texted to inform me that the poor infant mouse was dead in the hallway, obviously after a late night binge on the aforementioned delicacy. I approached the deceased vermin slowly, planning to scoop it up with an envelope. As the paper touched the corpse, the mouse moved! I screamed so loudly that the neighbours evacuated their houses to investigate.
And when I took myself even further back in time, I remembered that 10 years ago, I was sleeping on a stud farm (I can explain. But I won’t.) One morning, a mouse scurried into bed with me. I leapt up so fast I gave myself whiplash. Ever since, I’ve had a slight phobia of mice. However, once I started digging below the surface of my apparently irrational fear, I discovered some rational explanations.
Think of all the people out there living with crazy and seemingly unexplainable fears. There are those who are terrified of being alone in a house at night. If someone else was with them or if the sun was beaming through the windows, they wouldn’t expect to see a dagger-wielding psycho in every shadow-ridden corner. Perhaps, on closer examination, they have had a bad previous experience. Or they fear loneliness. Or they don’t have enough trust or confidence in themselves. Maybe darkness or silence reminds them of something they would rather forget.
Others have fears of dogs, cats, spiders, birds, water, flying, open spaces, closed spaces, the word moist, the colour blue, feet, tomatoes, David Bowie…
What is your “irrational” fear? Delve into the feelings surrounding your phobia and pay attention to what it brings up in you. You’re guaranteed to learn something about yourself and it may even be enough to lessen the anxiety.
For me, with the mice, I think it’s a fear of the unexpected. When I catch something moving from the corner of my eye, hear something when I’m anticipating silence, or feel the presence of something that “shouldn’t” be there, I freak out. Even when, in reality, the terrifying creature looks like this.
To a certain extent, nerves are a good thing. They push you to prepare yourself for an impending event. However, when the nerves begin to negatively affect you on a physical and mental level, you need to make a change.
Worry and stress can have extremely detrimental effects on a person. Your breathing becomes more shallow, your insides feel like they’re in a heavy-duty liquidiser, and the looming event flashes before you at random intervals, dragging with it an inescapable blast of panic. Negative thinking and forecasting skip alongside the toxic nerves. You imagine every possible worst case scenario. You’re filled with an uncomfortable sense of heat. Your heart beats rapidly like the tapping of storm-chased raindrops against the window pane. Your chest constricts. Sleep evades you.
Worry grabs hold of your windpipe and threatens to strangle you. This scarily strong demon is extremely difficult to shake off. For the most part, nerves are useless and destructive. I say “for the most part” because we all need a certain amount of nerves to get us through situations that require us to perform.
This week, I was asked to give a talk to a group of sixth year boys. Public speaking. Acting confident and knowledgeable. Flashbacks of being called Tits Galore by teenage lads the moment I began to mature. The idea of it terrified me. However, the fact that I agreed to do it demonstrates the recent rise in my confidence. I realise that I am no longer a self-conscious, super-sensitive teen. I don’t care what the fellas in the class think of me. I just want to pass on some interesting information to them. And if I relax, it could even be an enjoyable and worthwhile experience.
Having said that, I still suffered a small dose of nerves, which is normal. Luckily, these pesky flutters are no longer debilitating. I recognise and acknowledge them and use them to my advantage. If I felt no nerves at all, I wouldn’t have read up on the topic or organised myself for the class. I was also perfectly aware that the run-up to the day would be more difficult than the actual event. So, any time I felt a sharp pang of anxiety, I immediately batted it away before it dug its dirty claws in.
After all that, on the morning of the talk, I got a call to inform me that the class had to be postponed. I felt a mixture of disappointment, relief and dread. Part of me just wanted to get it over with, which proves that the anticipation of the imagined scenario bothered me more than the event itself.
Luckily, I hadn’t stayed up the previous night fretting as it would have been a total waste of time and energy. Even if it had gone ahead, excessive anxiety about it would still be pointless. Nervousness sickens you, and robs you of your appetite, peace and enjoyment.
Now, I have another week to wait. It is in my hands as to how best to proceed. I can stress about it for another seven days. Or I can not. Simple as that.
What to do when the nerves are getting on your nerves:
Bludgeon the anxiety the moment it threatens to attack.
Prepare adequately for the upcoming event.
Be confident- repeat affirmations, play your favourite songs, dress up nice, talk to people who respect and believe in you.
Breathe.
Recognise how talented and intelligent you are and acknowledge all you have to offer the world.
I know it’s scary but head straight for the eye of the storm. In other words, just do it. You will be relieved and proud of yourself afterwards and your confidence will soar. And events you once stressed about will feel like a light summer breeze in comparison.
Valentine’s Day is like an extreme form of Marmite. Either you can’t get enough of it or you would rather slit your throat with a rusty nail and fling yourself into shark-infested waters than deal with this sickly sweet 24 hours. Some of us can pretend the day doesn’t exist, and ignore the large red love hearts blazing out of every shop window. Others cannot banish the day from their thoughts, because their enthusiastic other half would not let them away with it, or because they feel devastated about being alone on this loved-up day.
Recently or pathologically single folk presume that everyone else is gushing with love and romance on this spring day. They imagine couples walking hand-in-hand by the water’s edge, gazing into each others’ eyes, whispering sweet nothings, sharing plates of spaghetti, and surprising their partners with enormous crimson cards, sparkling jewels, holiday plans, and maybe even a diamond ring.
The unwilling half of a couple experiences equal amounts of dread and disdain in the run-up to this marathon of mush. They know that if they don’t have something wonderful planned for their partner they are liable to lose a limb (or another highly prized body part). For the sake of their own sanity (and physical well-being), they trudge to the gift shop, buy the first card that grabs their attention, and grudgingly “surprise” their loved one with a bunch of flowers and the piece of jewellery that they were ordered to purchase.
A number of years ago, a friend and I held a quiet protest on Valentine’s Day. Instead of sobbing at Love Actually on the box and checking the post every five minutes, we decided to replace the celebration with one of our favourites- Hallowe’en. We rented horrors, munched on treats, and sipped red wine. We were screaming so much that we didn’t have time to dwell on being single. And after watching The Ring, we were just glad to be alive.
For whatever reason, I’ve been single more often than not on Valentine’s Day. And it doesn’t bother me. It’s just another day (apart from the fact that card companies, florists, restaurants and the like are a lot richer afterwards). I don’t have to think about buying presents, writing cards, or making dinner reservations. And I have more money to spend on myself.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” Oscar Wilde
This year, instead of moaning about my single status, bitching about the shortage of romantic Irish men, or dissing the festival for being a “money-making racket” and an “exercise in soulless commercialism”, I am learning more about love. Recently, I have come to the delightful conclusion that I am loveable. I am getting to know myself more. I am discovering what I like in life. I have started doing the things I want to do. And I am thoroughly enjoying the process.
If you don’t know or love yourself, how can you love another, let alone believe that anyone would love you? There was a time when I looked at love dubiously. But I was confusing real love with romantic love.
"In real love, you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person." Margaret Anderson
Romantic love is often based on neediness and selfishness. You desire the person as a possession, as a tool to make you feel better about yourself. However, I’m beginning to see that there is another kind of love that speaks of balance and respect and sharing.
Once you know who you are and what you want from life, if you are fulfilled in what you are doing and treat yourself with love and respect, you are ready to move onto the next phase. And this is where love for another human being becomes possible. When you enter into a healthy relationship, you bask in the best parts of yourselves, and you accept and love the other bits too.
Relationships can be challenging. As Thomas Moore writes in his book Soul Mates, a struggle occurs between the soul’s need for attachment and the spirit’s need for freedom. When our partner seems distant, the soul becomes insecure and wants to hold on. When our partner clings, the spirit feels trapped and restless.
"A healthy relationship needs to create a balance between spirit and soul, expansion and constriction, freedom and commitment." Anodea Judith
So, this Valentine’s Day, if you’re part of a happy couple, do something nice together. Laugh and embrace. Remember the excitement of the first sparks of your romance. And celebrate the growth and intimacy that has developed since then.
And if, like me, you’re single, be thankful that you have this time and space to work on your self and your individuality. Love and accept each and every aspect of your being. Learn what makes you smile. Observe what fills you with passion. Witness the many ways in which you shine.
You are filled with vibrancy, fire and light. Initially, you may not even see the spark that flickers within you. And then, when you do catch a glimpse of it, it scares you.
Fire is magnificent. It has the power to warm, and to shed light where there is darkness. But it also has the potential for great destruction and devastation. Fire and light are feared and revered in equal measure. However, once you witness the wonder of your iridescence, you want to hurry its complete encapsulation of you. You demand its never-ending shine. Just remember, light is most striking when it brushes against the shadows. Without darkness, light would mean nothing.
The world will not stop turning if your light fades briefly. You are not as important as you think you are. But you are not insignificant either. You are a bright ball of energy, which needs to be polished and conserved. Every time you put your own needs last, do something that you really do not want to do, work so hard that you completely exhaust yourself, or even when you do something wonderful, but before you are ready, you are dimming that fluorescent globe of inner light.
"The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground."
The great oak embraces the sunshine with an abundant crown of leaves. But it has also survived centuries of bleak winters, naked and alone. We fear that we will never be able to put our light to good use so we try to rush it. We have all the time we need. How long did it take the oak to spread its branches? How many generations of birds have nested in its arms? The world will wait for you.
Give yourself space to charge your spirit, to learn and to develop. Check that you can stand on solid ground before you attempt to soar. Get to know yourself. Figure out where you are blocked. Release and expand. Stretch the boundaries. Like a bulb, pushing from beneath the soil, you will grow towards the light and burst into flower.
Find your flame and blow on it. Don’t be afraid. Your fire will not engulf you with its roar. You will use its light to guide you, its heat to invigorate you, and its energy to stimulate your passion. And in time, your soul will sparkle with such incandescence that it will be visible from the heavens…
Living with anger is like swallowing a wriggling baby octopus. As it grows, it expands, and pushes against your insides until you feel so full with it that you’re about to burst. When the pressure becomes too much to bear, it will use its tentacles to pierce and swipe its way out.
Some of you may be welcoming more awareness into your life at the moment. You’re currently coming to many realisations about yourself and about how you’ve been living and behaving. Despite this new-found enlightenment, you’re noticing that you’re getting angrier than ever before. I used to be such a gentle, peaceful human being. This alien emotion may surprise and even scare you.
Think of it this way. You have begun a fascinating journey of discovery and you are rapidly changing for the better. However, you’re still surrounded by people who are not travelling along the same route as you are. Your energy has shifted and what was once safe and familiar now annoys you. You no longer accept bad treatment from others because you’re starting to think more of yourself. Instead of feeling hurt and depressed by others’ misdemeanours, you’re now getting angry, which is a healthier reaction. But you need to realise that you are replacing your passivity for aggression.
Don’t worry about this new way of being. For a while, you will feel as if you’re walking in a field of land mines. You need to finally release all of these pent-up emotions. When there are no more long-buried devices left to explode, you will come back into balance. By this time, you will hopefully have removed yourself from situations that don’t suit you and distanced yourself from people who are not good for you. As Eckhart Tolle explains in the following clip, anger is just energy.
Steps for dealing with anger:
1) Sit with it
Like in a quiet waiting room, if you’re sitting with someone long enough, you’re eventually going to ask them where they’re from. Speak to the anger. Examine your feelings. What is it about the situation/person that angers you so? Is there something that you recognise (and dislike) in yourself? I know a man who became unreasonably irritated whenever his children let out the sofa footrests as they watched TV. Years later, he admitted that it was because he detested his own lazy streak and was reminded of it every time his kids sat back and relaxed.
Maybe you’ll discover that the anger you’re experiencing is directed at yourself. This could be for not living up to your purported potential, for acting in a manner that you’re ashamed of, or for feeling things that you’d rather not admit to. Holding on to anger is an exercise in self-destruction. It has no positive consequences but it will make you do stupid and even dangerous things. It will ruin relationships, fill your days with misery and, ultimately, bring about disease.
2) See where the attachment lies
Understanding what’s charging your anger is like finding the right plug in a large, tangled clump of electric wires. You have to unravel each cable and find which one you’re attached to before you can disconnect it. Recognising where the attachment lies will help you let go of this disturbing emotion. If a loved one has said something to upset you, ask yourself why these words have had such a profound effect on you. Do you care so much what that person thinks of you? Has something in what they’ve said resonated with a part of you that you fear, dislike or distrust?
3) Understand
When you begin to grasp why the person is behaving in a certain way, it makes it a lot easier to handle. Maybe it’s the only way they know how to act in order to get through life. We are all just trying to survive in this world and everyone has a different way of achieving this goal. Know that their behaviour is nothing to do with you. This knowledge will make you a lot less angry and will enable you to accept people for who they are, without allowing yourself to be dragged into their pain. Also, understanding why the person has filled you with anger will push you further on your road to self-discovery.
4) Express yourself
Get it out! Break some glass at the bottle bank. Smash a few plates, Greek-style. Go for a sprint. Take out the punching bag. Scream and shout. Scribble down your rage. And if you can express it to the person who’s brought all of this up in you, do so. Let them know how you’re feeling. You will not let them get away with treating you badly. Aside from relieving the pressure on yourself, this will have the added benefit of ensuring that a similar situation will not reoccur. Now that you’re stronger and more assertive, people won’t dream of treating you with anything less than respect. And if they still feel they have a right to mistreat you, it’s time for you to move on.
5) Energetic medicine
In Chinese medicine, repressed anger can create physical discomfort and disease. Acupuncture is an excellent tool for releasing anger. Staphysagria is a homeopathic remedy that you can take whenever you’re feeling a sense of entrapment, anger, frustration, or resentment.
6) Let it go
If you’ve expressed your rage, come to understand it, and removed yourself from the people and situations that are bringing you down, it is now time to let go. As Siddhārtha Buddha said:
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
7) Transform
Anger and passion are two ends of the same stream. One comes straight from the source, high in the mountains, clear and fresh. The other leaks into the ocean, becoming lost and bitter. Once you’ve dealt with the anger in all its stages, all you’re left with is energy.
Use this energy for whatever invigorates you. Allow it to ignite your creative spark, light up your spirit, and propel you into a world of power and passion.
Being outdoors in nature, personal development, spirituality, teaching, yoga, friends & family, sunshine, good conversation, writing, a good cuppa, swimming in the sea, books, adventure, travel, learning, laughter, fun, good food, bear hugs…
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