Envy ~ Disappointment ~ Grief
Not good enough
Out of my fucking control
Creases and colours
Should be different:
Better – smoother – younger?
Not enjoying the moment
Shouldn’t you? Why don’t you? What’s wrong with you?
Resistance : Frustration : Pain
Not doing enough
So much potential
Will you regret it?
Try harder / stop trying so hard
Judging it and him and her
And myself really
Retreat so they can’t hurt me any further
I hurt myself
That couldn’t happen for ME
Why can’t it happen?
Dirty _ Ugly _ Disgusting_
How can I unleash it?
Do I have to be more positive?
Shiny shiny smiley happy?
Or confused about wanting or not wanting…
Too sensitive, so sensitive
Shoulds. A hurricane of shoulds.
Why am I like this?
Is there any hope for me?
THE OTHER SIDE OF DARKNESS?
What can we do with a human like this?
Love her, love her, streaming with love for her
Whisper we love her time and again
She can’t hear us
She’s not yet listening
We’ll bellow declarations of love for her
She’ll swat away the tingle of our embrace
Can’t she see her smile?
How it connects and it welcomes
How she cares?
How she wants so desperately to trust
But doesn’t quite understand the true meaning of that word:
Because she’s afraid
She’s afraid because
She takes on the impossible burden
Doesn’t she know that she’s never alone?
You’re safe, my love
We’ve got you
We’re part of you
Let go, lovely one
Don’t you feel our love for you?
We love that you try
We adore who you are
We admire how honest you are with your emotions
How you own your imperfections
And we applaud how hard you’re working
To shed layer after layer of a density
That. Isn’t. Even. Yours.
So that you can finally reveal the brilliance within
We love that you’re living and laughing
Crying and ageing
Sharing and helping
And letting love in
We’re so happy that you don’t know it all
So we can continue to surprise you
You’ll surprise yourself too
All you really have to do is…
And be with yourself
It’s okay that you don’t know who we are
That you don’t yet trust in our existence
Everything will be okay
There’s no need to hold on so tight
One inevitable, magical, can’t-wait-for, patiently-waiting-for
You’ll see us
In the glint of your iris
A sparkle in the skyline
The flicker of a candle
And the shapes of the shadows
You’ll begin to feel us
In a flutter, a warmth, a glow
You’ll recognise us
In the electricity of a shooting star
The astonishing miracle of a rainbow
You’ll know us in the delight of a synchronicity
The generosity of a stranger
The knock-knock love of a lover, a child
That one special day
And over the course of many tiny monumental moments
You’ll trust in our presence
You’ll feel it and know it and understand it
We’ll keep singing your praises
Blowing you kisses
And writing you love letters across the galaxy
And all the love that you never even dreamed you deserve
(but deserve it all, of course, you do)
- As I was finishing this piece, the song above kept playing in my head. I’d never really listened to the lyrics properly before!