Today, I decided to have a Me-Day. This meant doing exactly as I wished for an entire day. I started with some yoga and meditation. Then, a leisurely breakfast. I chuckled as I gave myself some YouTube flute lessons and delighted in the sound of the instrument.
I browsed the internet while sipping freshly brewed coffee. I jogged in the sunshine to the beats of Robynand Yeah Yeah Yeahs, then sauntered around a vegetable shop. I was in no rush. I had nothing to do and no-one to see. Later, I did a bit of reading. I cooked a sweet potato curry for the first time and thoroughly enjoyed it. I ran a bath, lit candles and played relaxing music. I sighed with pleasure as I lowered myself into the hot water. The bubbles came up around my neck like a high-collared cloak of sparkling cloud.
prayingforlove.tumblr.com
Pressure, shoulds and musts do not exist on Me-Days. I simply did as I pleased. I had dinner at lunch time and a bath before dark. Ideally, we would all have at least one day like this each week. However, even when we do have a day off, we treat it as a to-do challenge and fill it with chores and appointments.
Here’s the good news: you don’t have to hold out until Mother’s Day or your anniversary or birthday to treat yourself and listen to your needs. Why don’t you rename one day this week Me-Day and do it your way?
Have you ever wanted something so bad but been too afraid to go for it? Have you allowed opportunities pass you by as you looked on helplessly? I’ve cried tears of sadness, confusion and frustration over things I haven’t had the courage or the confidence to pursue.
For me, a fear of rejection has always paralysed me. I would grieve someone before confessing my feelings for them. I ‘ve struggled with a lifelong delusion of not being wanted or loved. I doubted my right to happiness, fulfilment and even a space on this planet.
In my early twenties, if I was in a busy café and there were people waiting to be seated, I would become agitated and hurry my coffee because I clearly thought that I didn’t deserve a place as much as these strangers did.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anaïs Nin
I assumed that I’d never be lucky enough to experience true love or enter into a functional relationship. I had obviously come to the conclusion that I wasn’t worthy.
I remember a time not so long ago when I was talking to someone I was interested in romantically. As he spoke, I just wanted to reach out and touch him. But I didn’t want to scare him away or make myself vulnerable. So I just smiled and nodded and slapped back the desire, turning it into something that had to be suppressed, a flame that had to be quenched for fear of burning myself.
I could never let a guy know that I was interested in him as the fear of rejection was too great. I couldn’t handle another confirmation that I was unlovable. And so I was left with all these feelings and nowhere to vent them. It was a lose-lose situation. I was either denying myself the pleasure of getting with a wonderful man or losing myself in a fantasy world of misinterpreted hope, where it was possible that, one day, I’d ride into the sunset with a man who had absolutely no interest in me, sunsets or riding.
I often marvelled at the courage of some of my friends who were confident enough to ask men out. One friend told me that, on a night out, she simply grabbed a guy’s face and kissed him. I delighted in her story but the thought of doing something similar caused me to shut down in terror.
I would rather wait to be asked out. However, I recently realised that this meant giving my power and freedom of choice away. I neglected the possibility of selecting whom I wanted to date. I have to admit that this is an area I still need to bring awareness to. I don’t know if I’ll be shoving my face into a man’s any time soon but I’m working on it.
This process begins by noticing the magnificent light that shines brightly within me. I’m awakening to my life’s purpose. I now appreciate my talents and quirks and I’m finally recognising that I am fun and interesting and lovable.
If you are full of desire for something but are too terrified to pursue it, ask yourself why. What is it that you want? What are you afraid of? Sit with the answers you give yourself and the emotions that this will bring up.
You may even realise that you’ve built the person/state of being/trip/job up so much that the reality of acquiring said item would be a lot different from the scenario your imagination is creating. The thing you want shimmers before your parched soul like a spectacular mirage.
"Without awareness of bodily feeling and attitude, a person becomes split into a disembodied spirit and a disenchanted body." Alexander Lowen
You may also identify that you’re feeling starved of affection, approval, success or enjoyment. Try giving yourself these things. You don’t have to wait until you’ve got a promotion/date with Mr I-think-is-Right/airline tickets for an African safari. Embrace the wondrous nature that is right on your doorstep if you would just open your eyes. Treat yourself to some self-love, understanding and compassion. Talk to yourself. Become your new best friend. Respect the inner strength that has taken you to this point in your life. You are a survivor. You don’t need to be wearing a power suit or a wedding ring before you can deem yourself worthwhile. Delight in the miracle of your very existence.
That’s not to say don’t go for what you want out of life. Set up your own business. Ask your crush out. Plan an exciting trip for your upcoming holidays, be it backpacking around Southeast Asia or rediscovering Ireland’s coastline.
And if you get knocked back, be gentle with yourself. Then congratulate yourself on your courage and determination. Recognise that this particular path is not going to take you to your desired destination and simply change direction. As you release the fear, the baggage you’re carrying on your journey will become lighter. And when you no longer have to lug that heavy weight across your shoulders, you’ll be free to look up and notice the magnificence of your surroundings.
This song resonates with me as I can’t imagine being able to vocalise these lyrics to someone I cared about. Yet…
These past few days, I’ve experienced a surge of excess energy. I spent Saturday night dancing around my bedroom. I then completed a set of sit-ups and chin-ups, like a disciplined action hero preparing for a life-threatening escape from some high security prison. I’ve been running across the plains of the Curragh, jumping around the flat, and singing/shouting as I drive.
Maybe it’s the unexpected good weather. Perhaps it’s my mood. Or there could be something in the air… All I know is that I’m not complaining.
allposters.com
I’m listening to my body and it’s telling me that it has energy to burn. Though my mind insists that I should be tired after a full day in college, I’m allowing my body to unwind by expressing itself through rigorous exercise. It feels good to give some freedom to my body instead of being controlled exclusively by a mind that’s been influenced by years of unquestioned habits and rules.
If there is something in the air and you too are experiencing random bursts of energy, do something with it. If we were children, we’d be playing skipping and chasing and climbing trees. Don’t permit your society-moulded mind to dictate to you what, where, or when you can or cannot do the things you feel like doing. Unleash the bold child itching to get out. Jump up and down on your bed. Round up a gang of mates for a game of rounders. Spend a day at the beach swimming and racing along the sand. Go surfing or wakeboarding. Start up a tag rugby tournament. Spend an entire night on the dance floor. You’re free to do whatever it is you want to do. So do it!
Everywhere I drive, I sing/scream; mouth wide, fists in the air (when I’m not changing gears, of course). Florence and the Machine is great for this…
“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” Anais Nin
We perceive life, situations and people not as they are but as we are. Everything we look at and everything we experience is tinged with our own feelings, desires, fears and issues. If we perceive someone to be threatening, mean, condescending, or selfish, every action that person makes towards us will confirm those beliefs. If someone we believe to be generous, loving, caring, and helpful does the exact same thing as the first person, we will probably take it in a completely different, and more positive, way.
Our thoughts impact heavily on everything around us. They are what manifest as our own personal reality. A reality we have created. If you are unhappy with the way your life is going, alter your thoughts. I guarantee you will observe a change.
Think of life as a lake. A lake is a body of water. Nothing more, nothing less. But in this lake, the mountain sees itself shimmering up at him. The trees observe their trunks, leaves and branches swimming beneath them. The sky is perfectly reflected on the water. The moon dances there at night and the clouds play chasing across its surface. The mountain, trees, sky, moon and clouds are not part the lake. Yet their images are clearly evident.
However, if you put your hands into the lake and really feel it, you will break up this reflection. Once you get past the surface of your perception, the delusion becomes blurred. This is what you need to do in life. Slice through the illusion and see things for what they really are. Yes, there is a lot to be learned from what is mirrored back to you. Simply take on this awareness. Then, somersault into living. Splash about and make your own waves. Dive into the depths of your consciousness. But most importantly of all, stop being blinded by your own reflection.
During the week, I went for a walk by the river. The sun sprinkled the air with opportunity, the birds were making themselves known, and a tiny snail crossed my path with quiet determination. A warm wind tackled me and I splayed out my arms like a child hoping to take flight. I was reminded of summer holidays on a beach in the west of Ireland. But I was no longer a carefree kid and it was just an ordinary day. However, instead of rationalising away this welcome feeling of freedom and spontaneity, I allowed myself to bask in it. I gazed at the water as it danced in delight beneath the sunbeams. I observed a crow as it slipped and slid off a signpost and I laughed as I wondered if it had momentarily forgotten that it could fly. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun.
My thought I am not on holidays could have ruined this beautiful moment. But why deny yourself feelings of enjoyment? You don’t have to designate yourself a mere two weeks of relaxation a year. At any time of your choosing, you can access that wonder and excitement you shower upon yourself whenever you enter a foreign land. Everything is new and exotic and has yet to be explored. When you’re on holidays, the reason you feel so alive and unburdened is because you are allowing yourself to live in the present moment. Imagine, you can bring that feeling to your everyday life. Isn’t that wonderful?
"A poet is someone who is astonished by everything."
Our thoughts dictate our feelings and experiences of the world around us. Last week, my aunt feared she’d lost her handbag, which was holding a huge wad of cash. She suffered pangs of panic and dread. It turns out she’d left the bag in her mother-in-law’s house. Her handbag was never missing and the money was never gone. Yet her thoughts about it all created a reality where she had just lost a large amount of money.
Anything can happen to you. Anything at all. But your thoughts about what is occurring (or what you believe is occurring) are shaping how you experience this reality. Approach each day with a sense of curiosity and inquisitiveness. Explore your world. Reacquaint yourself with the childlike innocence that once brought you so much joy.
Lately, I have been reintroducing that freshness and curiosity to my daily life. There is something to be learned from absolutely everything. Humour and enjoyment feature hugely in my interactions with the world. I am going with the flow. I appreciate the little things and marvel at the big things (the intricacies of nature and the universe, the power of the mind, the magnificence of goodwill). I am choosing to think good thoughts about the people around me and, as a result, my experience of humanity of late has been extremely positive.
So, the next time you’re walking the streets of your city, interacting with nature or other human beings, or bending into a warm spring breeze, bear in mind that what you choose to think in that moment will construct the very essence of your experience. The power is all yours.
You know this thing about how we manifest our own reality? Oftentimes, I ponder this exciting yet baffling concept. That and the philosophical riddle: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If I fabricate my own reality, does anyone else even exist? If you shape your own reality, do I exist outside of your perception of me?
If I am the designer of my own world, why, for example, can I not tell the guy I have a crush on that I like him? If I am the one who makes it all happen, I would confess my feelings for him. And, of course, he would jump at the chance to be with me.
But maybe my thoughts about myself are limiting my possibilities for happiness. He wouldn’t be interested in me. I’ll never experience a functional relationship. I don’t deserve success, prosperity, good health. The wooden blocks I have been using to build my life with are rotten. As a result, the wonderful universe I am hoping to construct lacks a solid foundation. Sooner or later, my world will come crashing down and I am the one who’s going to be crushed.
Well how about this, reality? If you are mine to mould, listen hard to the following instructions. I want (and finally believe I deserve) all the good things this life has stored in abundance for me. If I promise to be positive and gentle with myself, I trust that you will hold up your end of the bargain. Nice doing business with you.
A sense of loneliness descended upon me today. Instead of instantly calling someone, I took myself out for a long walk in the countryside. I gazed at the trees, which silently stood, bare and alone. They swayed in their solitude and darkness. But when I looked at them long enough, I could see that their loneliness had created spaces for growth and for the light to shine through…
And in time, vibrancy and colour, blossoms and birdsong will fill the air…
Today in work, I surprised myself at my reaction to a teeny tiny mouse. I screeched at a pitch high enough to shatter double glazed windows and raced into the next room. And I hadn’t even seen the thing. I’d heard some rustling, then another girl had said, in a wobbly voice, “I think it’s a mouse.” And that was enough. Several times, we ventured towards the bin the unfortunate creature was trapped in and each time it moved, I sprinted screaming from the room. Why was I acting like (excuse the sexist simile) such a little girl?
As I ponder this tonight, I recall an incident from a year ago. I had just moved into a flat that was infested with mice (a fact I unfortunately only learned after signing the lease). The landlord “kindly” deposited tempting trays of poison around the place. I had a friend over one night, who got to witness my banshee-like shrieking at the sighting of a petrified baby mouse on the stairs. The following morning, my friend left early. She texted to inform me that the poor infant mouse was dead in the hallway, obviously after a late night binge on the aforementioned delicacy. I approached the deceased vermin slowly, planning to scoop it up with an envelope. As the paper touched the corpse, the mouse moved! I screamed so loudly that the neighbours evacuated their houses to investigate.
And when I took myself even further back in time, I remembered that 10 years ago, I was sleeping on a stud farm (I can explain. But I won’t.) One morning, a mouse scurried into bed with me. I leapt up so fast I gave myself whiplash. Ever since, I’ve had a slight phobia of mice. However, once I started digging below the surface of my apparently irrational fear, I discovered some rational explanations.
Think of all the people out there living with crazy and seemingly unexplainable fears. There are those who are terrified of being alone in a house at night. If someone else was with them or if the sun was beaming through the windows, they wouldn’t expect to see a dagger-wielding psycho in every shadow-ridden corner. Perhaps, on closer examination, they have had a bad previous experience. Or they fear loneliness. Or they don’t have enough trust or confidence in themselves. Maybe darkness or silence reminds them of something they would rather forget.
Others have fears of dogs, cats, spiders, birds, water, flying, open spaces, closed spaces, the word moist, the colour blue, feet, tomatoes, David Bowie…
What is your “irrational” fear? Delve into the feelings surrounding your phobia and pay attention to what it brings up in you. You’re guaranteed to learn something about yourself and it may even be enough to lessen the anxiety.
For me, with the mice, I think it’s a fear of the unexpected. When I catch something moving from the corner of my eye, hear something when I’m anticipating silence, or feel the presence of something that “shouldn’t” be there, I freak out. Even when, in reality, the terrifying creature looks like this.
To a certain extent, nerves are a good thing. They push you to prepare yourself for an impending event. However, when the nerves begin to negatively affect you on a physical and mental level, you need to make a change.
Worry and stress can have extremely detrimental effects on a person. Your breathing becomes more shallow, your insides feel like they’re in a heavy-duty liquidiser, and the looming event flashes before you at random intervals, dragging with it an inescapable blast of panic. Negative thinking and forecasting skip alongside the toxic nerves. You imagine every possible worst case scenario. You’re filled with an uncomfortable sense of heat. Your heart beats rapidly like the tapping of storm-chased raindrops against the window pane. Your chest constricts. Sleep evades you.
Worry grabs hold of your windpipe and threatens to strangle you. This scarily strong demon is extremely difficult to shake off. For the most part, nerves are useless and destructive. I say “for the most part” because we all need a certain amount of nerves to get us through situations that require us to perform.
This week, I was asked to give a talk to a group of sixth year boys. Public speaking. Acting confident and knowledgeable. Flashbacks of being called Tits Galore by teenage lads the moment I began to mature. The idea of it terrified me. However, the fact that I agreed to do it demonstrates the recent rise in my confidence. I realise that I am no longer a self-conscious, super-sensitive teen. I don’t care what the fellas in the class think of me. I just want to pass on some interesting information to them. And if I relax, it could even be an enjoyable and worthwhile experience.
Having said that, I still suffered a small dose of nerves, which is normal. Luckily, these pesky flutters are no longer debilitating. I recognise and acknowledge them and use them to my advantage. If I felt no nerves at all, I wouldn’t have read up on the topic or organised myself for the class. I was also perfectly aware that the run-up to the day would be more difficult than the actual event. So, any time I felt a sharp pang of anxiety, I immediately batted it away before it dug its dirty claws in.
After all that, on the morning of the talk, I got a call to inform me that the class had to be postponed. I felt a mixture of disappointment, relief and dread. Part of me just wanted to get it over with, which proves that the anticipation of the imagined scenario bothered me more than the event itself.
Luckily, I hadn’t stayed up the previous night fretting as it would have been a total waste of time and energy. Even if it had gone ahead, excessive anxiety about it would still be pointless. Nervousness sickens you, and robs you of your appetite, peace and enjoyment.
Now, I have another week to wait. It is in my hands as to how best to proceed. I can stress about it for another seven days. Or I can not. Simple as that.
What to do when the nerves are getting on your nerves:
Bludgeon the anxiety the moment it threatens to attack.
Prepare adequately for the upcoming event.
Be confident- repeat affirmations, play your favourite songs, dress up nice, talk to people who respect and believe in you.
Breathe.
Recognise how talented and intelligent you are and acknowledge all you have to offer the world.
I know it’s scary but head straight for the eye of the storm. In other words, just do it. You will be relieved and proud of yourself afterwards and your confidence will soar. And events you once stressed about will feel like a light summer breeze in comparison.
You are filled with vibrancy, fire and light. Initially, you may not even see the spark that flickers within you. And then, when you do catch a glimpse of it, it scares you.
Fire is magnificent. It has the power to warm, and to shed light where there is darkness. But it also has the potential for great destruction and devastation. Fire and light are feared and revered in equal measure. However, once you witness the wonder of your iridescence, you want to hurry its complete encapsulation of you. You demand its never-ending shine. Just remember, light is most striking when it brushes against the shadows. Without darkness, light would mean nothing.
The world will not stop turning if your light fades briefly. You are not as important as you think you are. But you are not insignificant either. You are a bright ball of energy, which needs to be polished and conserved. Every time you put your own needs last, do something that you really do not want to do, work so hard that you completely exhaust yourself, or even when you do something wonderful, but before you are ready, you are dimming that fluorescent globe of inner light.
"The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground."
The great oak embraces the sunshine with an abundant crown of leaves. But it has also survived centuries of bleak winters, naked and alone. We fear that we will never be able to put our light to good use so we try to rush it. We have all the time we need. How long did it take the oak to spread its branches? How many generations of birds have nested in its arms? The world will wait for you.
Give yourself space to charge your spirit, to learn and to develop. Check that you can stand on solid ground before you attempt to soar. Get to know yourself. Figure out where you are blocked. Release and expand. Stretch the boundaries. Like a bulb, pushing from beneath the soil, you will grow towards the light and burst into flower.
Find your flame and blow on it. Don’t be afraid. Your fire will not engulf you with its roar. You will use its light to guide you, its heat to invigorate you, and its energy to stimulate your passion. And in time, your soul will sparkle with such incandescence that it will be visible from the heavens…
Being outdoors in nature, personal development, spirituality, teaching, yoga, friends & family, sunshine, good conversation, writing, a good cuppa, swimming in the sea, books, adventure, travel, learning, laughter, fun, good food, bear hugs…
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sharon Vogiatzi and betterthansurviving with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
betterthansurviving 