betterthansurviving

Challenge Accepted!

Posted on January 8, 2012 | 2 comments

Last night I witnessed a friend doing something so brave I almost came out in a rash for her.

I met my gal pal for a few Saturday night bevvies. We were standing in a cold part of the smoking section when my friend spotted a table by a heater. But a man was there. She decided to ask him if we could swap tables. She persuaded him by telling him he was a “strapping fella” and he was wearing a coat. He obliged.

As we caught up on our news, she kept catching his eye. After just two glasses of wine, she stood up and announced, to my excitement and horror, “I’m going to ask for his number!” I worried that she’d pick up on my terror so I kept my mouth shut and simply smiled and nodded. I may have also given her the thumbs up. I don’t know. It all happened so fast.

She sauntered over to him and I slyly watched them in the reflection of a window. She was talking and laughing and typing something into her phone. She breezed back, mission accomplished. And not a bother on her.

Later, we discussed the issue with a lad, who said it’s a turn-on when a woman approaches a man. It shows that she’s confident and doesn’t care what people think. I confessed that I’ve an almighty fear of rejection. My friend stated: “If you feel fabulous, the outcome won’t matter.” She told us that if the guy had refused her advances, she wouldn’t have felt any differently about herself. He wouldn’t be rejecting her as a person because he doesn’t know her. He could have a partner or he may not find her physically attractive. She added: “It’s impossible for every man to find the same woman beautiful.”

She explained it with such logic that it actually made sense to me. Maybe it didn’t have to be so scary… We decided that the next time we go out, I’ll give it a go. Challenge accepted! Eek!

P.S. As we were about to leave the pub, a guy we’d been talking to came after me and asked me for my number. And I gave it to him. Already, 2012 is proving to be a very interesting year…

Read this if you want more on fear of rejection…

Image: http://sprinkles-of-love.tumblr.com/post/13047156412/free-fallin

2 Comments

Posted in Personal development

Tagged 2012, attraction, challenge, comfort zone, courage, fear, fear of rejection, friend, love life, pub, rejection

Stuff we do be sayin in Ireland

Posted on January 7, 2012 | 4 comments

Us Irish definitely have the gift of the gab. Here’s what we do be sayin…

I met a friend for a night out over the Christmas. She looked me up and down before stating: “Look at you all trendy! With your black shoes.”

The other night in the pub, a cute (but drunk) guy bounded over to me. “Do you have a boyfriend?” he bellowed. Why waste time on small talk?

An old friend is always hilariously mixing up phrases. Recently, she told me that she thinks her neighbour cheats on his wife. She added, “He has a rotating eye.”

Another girl I know has a similar problem. With expressions, not randy neighbours. She was giving out about something and complained: “Now, that’s below the biscuit!”

One of the girls lamented that she still doesn’t feel like a grown-up because she hasn’t settled down or bought a house or had a child. I piped up, “I’m the exact same!” She retorted, “At least you’re divorced!”

And here are a few oft-heard sentences…

Pass the butter. Will ya have tea? Any goss? Are ye right there folks, please! The country’s fucked! Ah sure, it’ll be grand. Not a bother!

By the way, “how’re ya?” is a greeting, not a question. We don’t really want to know.

And surely we’re the country with the most synonyms for the word “drunk”. We get hammered, polluted, plastered, pissed, langered, ossified, baloobas, twisted, fluthered, paralytic, unconscious, slaughtered. Should we be worried? Ah sure, feck it! Will we have another? And one for the road…

4 Comments

Posted in Modern Society, Random

Tagged alcohol, drink, drunk, funny, gift of the gab, humour, ireland, language, night life, pub, shite irish girls say, words

Happy New You!

Posted on January 6, 2012 | Leave a comment

It’s the first week of the new year. Right about now, people are battling with their well-intended but unrealistic new year’s resolutions. They’re either still in the enthusiastic mode of energy and determination to shift that winter plumage / study harder / get fit / learn how to speak fluent Italian… Or they’re already feeling guilty at having skipped a day at the gym / found their hand in a bag of Doritos / had a sneaky cigarette or a pint of the black stuff… And then there are others who are too worried that 2012 heralds the end of time to bother with all that guff.

2011 was a tough year. People lost jobs and struggled to pay bills. Relationships ended and hearts were broken. Friends and family moved away. Loved ones got sick. Others died. And life went on. Couples got engaged and married and pregnant. Babies were born. Students graduated. People became more open-minded and enlightened.

2012 is sure to bring about more change. We will face more challenges and difficulties but we will also be given the opportunity to learn more, live better and love unconditionally. Forget about the end of the world and focus on the end of your old way of living. Ignore your negative thoughts. Stop worrying. Don’t spend time in the past or the future. Appreciate the now.

I received a new year’s text from a friend who told me to “just really be yourself”. What better advice for 2012? Why try to be like anybody else? Why waste your time and energy? Let 2012 be the year you really come into yourself and enjoy every minute of it.

Ditch the resolutions that are doomed to fail before you even start. Think about what’s really important and think positive. Ask for what you want for the year to come. Set your intentions and put them out there.

For me, I’m going to continue on my journey of self-discovery, learning and spirituality. I will keep up the yoga and meditation but only when I feel like it. I’m done with being hard on myself. It doesn’t work for me. And I know that now.

And if I do get into a relationship in 2012, it will be for the right reasons. It won’t be because I’m lonely or because “everyone else” is all loved-up. It’s not going to be because I’m drunk and it’s the end of the night and I wonder if the chancer in the check shirt deserves a chance. It’s also not going to be because he’s handsome or funny or makes me feel good about myself. I’m going to feel good about myself anyway. And if someone comes along and we fit together and it feels right, nice one!

I’m also going to live in the present moment (as often as I remember) and I’m going to enjoy all the little things. I’m not going to give out to myself any more. I’m going to have fun, read books, climb mountains, inhale the goodness of the ocean, relish the sunshine, spend time with good people, laugh, and stand in my own truth.

Happy new year! Let’s make it memorable. For all the right reasons.

Images: http://piccsy.com/?page=16; http://full-of-love.blog.cz/

Life is short. Live it.

Posted on December 20, 2011 | 2 comments

The other night, I watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly – a film based on a memoir written by a man suffering from Locked-in syndrome. Locked-in syndrome is a condition in which a patient has full awareness but cannot move due to complete paralysis of all voluntary muscles in the body except for the eyes.

At the age of 43, Jean-Dominique Bauby, editor of fashion magazine Elle, had a massive stroke. He woke up 20 days later to discover that he was almost completely paralysed. The determined French journalist wrote his memoir by memorising what he wanted to say then dictating the text to a transcriber by blinking his one functioning eyelid (a system known as partner assisted scanning). It took him 10 months (at an average of four hours a day). He died two days after its publication.

I don’t know whether I felt depressed or inspired after watching the movie. This man had everything taken from him – his career, his partner (who abandoned him after the stroke), his health, his speech, and his independence. Understandably, he expressed his desire to die. But then he realised that, apart from his left eye, two other things were not paralysed – his memory and his imagination. He went on to write a bestseller and set up a Locked-in syndrome association. He had lost so much but the spirit within him was still able to create something extraordinary. And then he passed away.

Our mortality is something we are born with. Sometimes, I think we ignore the fact that this lifetime will not last forever. We get so caught up in routine and obligation that we are often oblivious to the beauty and wonder of the world around us. We become disheartened and apathetic, or frustrated and angry, so gratitude and appreciation seem irrelevant.

Life is short. So, we should do the things that make us feel thankful to be alive. Last week, I took my mother to see the New York Spirit of Gospel. The vocalists astounded us with their talent. They encouraged us to shake off our self-consciousness, get up off our seats and dance, clap and sing along. The performance was all the better because we joined in.

We spend so much time passively watching the world do its thing. But it’s only when we actively participate that we come alive. So, get out there and really live. Life is a gift if that’s how you choose to see it.

The world is full of miracles and adventure, blessings and delight. And there are so many ways to acknowledge this. Money or mobility don’t have to be an issue. You can travel to foreign lands or visit spectacular spots within your own country. You could walk through whispering forests and across the backs of ancient mountains. Or simply allow the deep tones of a cello to awaken your senses.

Embrace life and each other. Laugh long and hard and often. Learn how to surf or bake or speak Spanish. Tell someone you love them. Admit to your fears and share your passions. Swim in lakes and oceans. Feel the earth’s water on your naked skin. Dance. Cry. Sing. Love. Live.

Images: http://favim.com/image/31398/; http://xaxor.com/photography/25467-appreciating-life-photography.html

2 Comments

Posted in Modern Society, Personal development, Spirituality

Tagged appreciation, art, book, coma, death, depression, elle, experience, expression, film, gratitude, jean-dominique bauby, laughter, life, living, locked-in syndrome, love, magazine, memoir, mortality, movie, music, new york spirit of gospel, paralysis, participation, passion, song, soul, spirit, suicidal, the diving bell and the butterfly, travel

Women Uncovered

Posted on December 16, 2011 | Leave a comment

For all the women out there who have bad hair days or dark circles, acne or wrinkles… For all the women who feel they need to “put on their faces” to face the world, this one’s for you… Teri Hatcher first thing in the morning!

So, let’s forget about trying to look perfect and laugh at ourselves instead!

No More Excuses

Posted on December 15, 2011 | 4 comments

It’s all well and good having brilliant flashes of insight into our behaviour. It’s marvellous to come to some understanding as to why we might be miserable. We can have many an Aha moment as we read tonnes of self-help books and watch endless YouTube clips of Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra. But what’s the point if we never actually change? We moan:

“I’m exhausted because I push myself too hard. I’m constantly striving for perfection. Because I think I’m only worthy of love and acceptance when I’m perfect.”

What a wonderful realisation! But what can we do with it? We might take a little rest (if even) and resolve to love ourselves unconditionally, before falling right back into our old self-destructive patterns. Working too hard, exercising and dieting to excess, and denying ourselves any morsel of pleasure in life… until the next time we binge or act lazy or reconnect with a bad habit; until we fall ill or get depressed and can no longer do all those things that make us feel we deserve a space on this planet. And yet again, we punish ourselves and cry, and wonder what’s the point of life… And if we don’t break down completely or (worst case scenario) decide to take our own lives, we pick ourselves up, wipe away our tears, root out those Mooji clips and dusty Thich Nhat Hanh books and start all over again…

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this. At least we’re trying. I know I do the exact same thing, time and time again. I thought my life would never be the same after watching an inspiring movie, after being introduced to Byron Katie’s work, after reading Awareness, Mutant Message Down Under, Veronika Decides to Die, The Power of Now… And I really believed it. Every single time. Until my next spell at rock bottom, when I was left wondering where it all went wrong.

Maya Angelou wrote, “When you know better, you do better.” So, if we know what’s to be expected from that sort of conduct, why not save time, energy and heartache and just change, once and for all?

All the motivational books and videos and quotations do help. But they can only bring us forward a certain amount. It’s not called “self-help” for nothing. Ultimately, it’s you, and only you, who can help yourself. People can give you advice, tips and recommendations, but if you’re not ready to take them on board or if you’re unwilling to change, then it’s not going to do much good, is it?

“You can’t teach anybody anything, only make them realise the answers are already inside them.” Galileo

It’s much easier telling others how to live their lives, and to spot where they’re going wrong. We can talk all we want about needing to transform our thinking, but when it comes to actually making a change, most of us chicken out. Because it’s unfamiliar and scary. It takes courage, determination and persistence to change.

I’m not going to finish this off with a persuasive video clip or a book list that’s guaranteed to change your life.

Just change. Do it.

Images: http://blamethecrane.tumblr.com/; http://stylishwebdesigner.com/50-stunning-photographs-to-refresh-your-mind/

4 Comments

Posted in Personal development

Tagged acceptance, advice, aha moment, anthony de mello, awareness, bad habit, behaviour, belief, books, breakdown, byron katie, change, clips, courage, deepak chopra, determination, diet, Eckhart Tolle, energy, excuses, exercise, exhaustion, fear, films, frustration, galileo, heartache, hurt, insight, inspiration, laziness, marlo morgan, maya angelou, misery, mooji, movies, mutant message down under, pain, paolo coelho, patterns, perfection, perseverance, personal development, pleasure, positivity, quotations, quotes, realisation, recommendations, rock bottom, self-acceptance, self-belief, self-destruction, self-hatred, self-help, self-love, sickness, striving, suicide, the power of now, thich nhat hanh, thinking, tips, tough love, unconditional love, veronika decides to die, video, wayne dyer, youtube

The Crime’s The Punishment?

Posted on December 15, 2011 | Leave a comment

I just watched the season finale of Love/Hate, a hard-hitting Irish drama. I couldn’t believe my reaction when the credits began to roll. I admit that it had been difficult to watch at times but it was such an honest and thought-provoking portrayal of Dublin criminals that it had gripped me right around the jugular. This programme got me thinking in a way I’d never thought possible.

Throughout the series, the viewers got to know, and like, the characters. We watched them progress from naive young adults to violent gang members, desperate drug addicts, prostitutes and murderers.

We all hear the news about massive drug seizures and gang shootings. And it doesn’t have much of an impact on us. We’re just grateful that we’re not involved. We condemn these “low-lives” for choosing such a depraved existence. But what we fail to consider, and what this brilliant drama has demonstrated, is that life is never simply black or white.

The pretty girl, with so much potential, is putting herself in danger to work as a prostitute because she would do anything to get the drugs she’s so dependent upon. The corrupt policeman, who’s being paid by the fearsome gang leader, is too terrified to put a stop to it because his children have been threatened. The young man, who’s already taken the lives of two human beings, cannot look at himself in the mirror. He thinks that if he does this one last job, he’ll be left alone. They all dream of one day walking away from this hideous way of living.

Most of these people would never have willingly chosen to do the things they are now doing. As children, they too had hoped for love and success and happiness. But circumstances have forced them into this. Of course, I don’t condone their behaviour. The taking of a life is especially difficult to comprehend or forgive. But now I understand that we are all just trying to survive this challenging world we live in. And everyone, everyone, has their reasons.

Giving Change

Posted on December 14, 2011 | 4 comments

I recently received an email from an old friend, who’s living abroad. She was writing to tell me that my blog has really inspired her to stop and look at life and has made her realise how lucky she is. She continued:

“Today, I was rushing to get to the shops before they closed when I saw a man, alone in the snow. He was shaking. I was a bit apprehensive but I thought: ‘I can’t leave him. It’s minus 10 and instinct tells me he needs help.’ So, I stopped. It turns out he had Parkinson’s and had hurt his arm. I phoned for a taxi and paid the driver to bring him to the hospital. The look of relief in the old man’s eyes when he sat in and shook my hand was heart breaking. I really think reading your words has changed my way of thinking. I’ve always had a lot of empathy but it takes courage to do something about a situation that’s a bit intimidating. Thanks, Sharon.”

This story brought tears to my eyes. Only days previously, another woman had told me I should stop publishing my work on the internet because I’m not getting paid for it, and on top of that, somebody could steal it. But this unexpected email reminded me why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Not everything we do has to result in monetary, or even personal, gain. Occasionally, people surprise us by giving, without looking for anything in return. The other day, I stepped onto a busy Luas (Dublin tram) when I felt a tap on the shoulder. I looked around at a dishevelled young man, who carried a sleeping bag under his arm. He said:

“Sorry, luv. I just wanted to let you know that your bag’s open. Be careful ‘coz someone could snatch your purse.”

I thanked him and zipped up my handbag. We then chatted about his life as a homeless person. He spoke about how he tries to rustle up enough money each day to stay in a hostel. Otherwise, he sleeps on the streets. I waited for him to ask me for some change (of which I had none – I’d given my last few coins as a tip to a waitress) but at the next stop, he simply said, “See ya luv” and was gone. “Take care!”, I called after him, feeling helpless yet totally moved. Yesterday, it snowed. I hope he’s okay.

Speaking of looking for change, check out this inspiring short film…

‘Tis the season of giving presents to our loved ones but how about, this Christmas, giving or doing something special for somebody who really needs it?

4 Comments

Posted in Modern Society, Random, Spirituality

Tagged blog, change, change for a dollar, christmas, dublin, generosity, giving, good deeds, gratitude, help, injury, inspirational, kindness, luas, money, parkinson's, presents, robbing, snow, stealing, winter, writing

Perfection is a Disease

Posted on December 14, 2011 | 8 comments

A few days ago, I came across a new blog. It looked professional and well laid out. But I didn’t persist past the first page as it was just too perfect. The writer advised his readers to keep fit, eat superfoods, and avoid caffeine, alcohol, sugar, oxygen (okay, I’m exaggerating but it was pretty over-the-top).

As children, the adults we trust to be infallible give us a message that is extremely difficult to shake in later life – that we need to be perfect. Our parents try to make sure that we always look and do our best. Our teachers return our copy books, covered in the red pen that highlights all our mistakes. Could do better. Everything we do is graded and marked out of ten.

They honestly think they’re doing us a favour. But it leads us to believe that anything that falls short of perfect is simply not good enough. No wonder we shy away from fulfilling our true potential when we’ve set such impossible standards.

All my life, I’ve strived for perfection. Even writing this, I’m wondering if the past participle of “strive” is “striven” and if I could possibly publish the post without checking. But to prove my point, I’m going to.

I’ve always put myself under an inordinate amount of pressure. Eventually, and understandably, I cracked beneath the weight of it all. From someone who’s been there, I am telling you that it simply isn’t worth it. I’d rather have energy and enjoyment, than pushing and perfection. I won’t lie – it’s still a battle, as the childhood message is so deeply ingrained, but I am gradually letting go.

We all try to do (and be) our best. We boast about our goals and achievements to anyone who’ll listen. Because we’re all looking for some reason to feel superior (or at least equal) to everybody else. We present the most attractive version of ourselves to the outside world, then live in fear at the possibility of someone peeking beneath our carefully constructed masks. The reason we keep up this universal facade is because everyone’s doing it. And even though we know we’re bullshitting, we fail to realise that everybody else is too.

It’s normal to feel lousy on occasion; to prefer to stay indoors in the winter instead of jogging in the rain; to switch off after a hard day by switching on crap TV; to enjoy a pint or an espresso or a banana split.

Nobody looks for a best friend or partner who refuses to eat carbs or set foot inside a pub, who wakes before dawn to hit the gym, and can list all the reasons why one shouldn’t drink coffee or stay in bed past 7 am. Such a “perfect” human being might look good and appear healthy. But they’re hard to relate to and they make us feel bad about ourselves.

If I don’t want a perfect partner or flawless friend, and I can’t even stand to read a meticulous blog, then why the hell do I want to be perfect?

So, why don’t we stick it to society and rejoice in our imperfections? Let’s admit to our flaws and laugh about our mistakes.

Now, how about a little experiment? Do something today that proves that you’re not perfect. How does it feel? Liberating? Thought so.

Images: http://weheartit.com/entry/19229697

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=249115865140615&set=a.135308636521339.34695.135306759854860&type=3&theater

http://weheartit.com/entry/19241509

8 Comments

Posted in Health, Modern Society, Personal development

Tagged blog, children, comparisons, facade, failure, fear, flaws, freedom, friendship, grammar, health, imperfections, liberation, lies, mask, mistakes, parenting, partner, past participle, perfection, pressure, salvadore dali, school, society, strive, teachers, truth

Snow is falling…

Posted on December 13, 2011 | 6 comments

I spotted the first spitting of snow this morning. I know most of us complained about last year’s white spell because it lasted so long. Dates were cancelled, flights were grounded, people were stranded, women couldn’t wear high heels.. However, here are a few reasons why I can’t help feeling excited when I see snowflakes…

No matter who or where you are, you simply have to yell at somebody, anybody, to make sure they can see that IT’S SNOWING!

Everybody could do with a snow day off work / school.

Everything. slows. down.

It’s just so pretty. A blanket of snow can transform the ugliest of settings into a winter wonderland.

It’s the perfect excuse for all things hot… Hot bath, hot stew, hot chocolate, hot port…

I’ll never be too old to delight in being the first to crunch across virgin snow.

Childlike, creative qualities are key – think snowballs, snow angels, snowmen… Last winter, my sister’s boyfriend built a slide and an igloo and drove around on a quad. I know who I’ll be hanging out with this year…

Last December, I met a friend for one hot toddy. We ended up in Swifts, the local (shit) night club, tearing up the dance floor in our hiking boots and wellies. Best night ever!

Hollywood has convinced us that it ain’t really Christmas ’til it snows… Merry Christmas!