Tag Archives: inner critic

Little Camino

Posted on April 7, 2016 | 4 comments

The past month has been weighed down with money worries, career anxiety, fear for the future and feelings of insecurity. This in turn has had an effect on my self-esteem; how I see myself and how I feel when I’m with others.

The main outcome of a much-needed business coaching session this week was that I need to love myself. And yesterday, I had another revelation.

I’ve been depending on external factors to make me feel okay. I’ll be good enough if and when… I’ll relax when I’m earning more money. I’ll be worthy when I have a flourishing business. I’ll feel secure when my boyfriend does and says all the right things.

However, the reverse should be true. I need to feel good first, anyway, irrespective of anything or anyone.

I have to love myself just because. I must stop placing conditions on my self-acceptance.

And I definitely need to stop waiting for someone else to make me feel good. Because that strategy is destined to fail. Catastrophically.

It’s guaranteed to foster pressure, disappointment and resentment. Feelings become extremely precarious. One action, one word, one thought has the power to tear everything asunder.

What I want to do now is come back to me. That creative, happy individual who knows herself, and who has a full and balanced life with work and friends and hobbies. Who now also has a boyfriend who’s gorgeous and good and full of love and enthusiasm.

But just because I’m now in a relationship doesn’t mean I should lose myself in it. An intimate relationship is actually an opportunity to find myself more deeply than ever before.

I need to live my life. Do the things that give me energy and inspiration. Be there for myself.

I have to stop abandoning myself whenever things go “wrong”. I must remember my worth, see my light, and know that I’m deserving of love and all the good things in life. I need to focus on all the positives that are right there in front of me.

Today is Thursday and I have the day off. Part of me feels ashamed that I’m not busier, that I’m not a part of “normal” working society. Then I remember that I have to stop rejecting myself.

“What’s the most loving thing I could do for myself today,” I ask.

An image of walking in nature flashes before me.

“The sea,” I think excitedly.

“Healthy, delicious food and coffee. And a good book,” I add.

I’ve come up with the perfect recipe: I’ll hike along the coastline from Bray to Greystones, have lunch in one of my favourite restaurants The Happy Pear, then wander back to Bray.

Most “normal” people work on a Thursday so I go alone. And that’s kind of perfect. My very own mini-Camino.

I don’t listen to music and I put my phone on silent. The weather goes from windy to sunny to rainy.

As I walk, I start thinking. Then I realise that I’m feeling bad. I observe this with interest.

Nothing has actually happened in the here and now and I’ve still managed to make myself feel bad. When instead I could be enjoying the beautiful views of aquamarine waters leaning into the horizon, mountain and birds and yellow furze. I could be breathing in the fresh air. Appreciating this time, this peace, this space…

So today I choose to come back to me, to stay with me, to love myself and to make myself happy. Because when I’m present to myself in this moment all is right in my world.

Today I take this big lesson from my little Camino back to my working life and to my romantic relationship but most importantly to my relationship with myself.

Images: Author’s Own

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Posted in Health, Love, Modern Society, Personal development, Positive Thinking

Tagged abandonment, alignment, animals, anxiety, appreciation, attachment, attraction, awareness, balance, beauty, blog, blogger, books, boyfriend, bray, business, business coaching, camino, career, change, comparisons, confidence, contentment, creativity, depression, detachment, different, disappointment, emotions, energy, enjoyment, enthusiasm, exercise, external, failure, fear, feelings, finances, food, girlfriend, gratitude, greystones, growth, happiness, health, hiking, hobbies, honesty, inner critic, insecurity, insight, inspiration, internal, intimacy, joy, law of attraction, learning, life, life coaching, light, living, love, mental-health, mindfulness, money, nature, negative thinking, normal, ocean, openness, outcast, peace, personal development, plants, positive thinking, power, presence, pressure, reading, rejection, relationships, relaxation, rest, revelations, romance, sea, seaside, self, self-awareness, self-employed, self-esteem, self-hatred, self-love, self-worth, shame, society, space, the happy pear, thinking, thoughts, time, unconditional love, vibration, walking, work, worry, worth, writing

To-Do

Posted on April 5, 2016 | Leave a comment

Today I attend a Life Coach for a much-needed, sort of dreaded business coaching session. We speak about timelines and deadlines. The Life Coach draws a “To-Do” box on the whiteboard. We also discuss ideas, fears and things that are weighing me down.

I confess that I’ve really been beating up on myself lately. I’ve been comparing myself unfavourably to others, calling myself names and believing that I’m “less than”. My mean streak is at a peak.

Towards the end of the session, I’m experiencing anxiety and my head hurts. The Life Coach asks me what I believe the pain in my head signifies.

“Pressure,” I answer.

He then asks me:

“What do you need to put in the “To-Do” box?”

Without hesitation, I answer:

“I need to love myself.”

“That’s a big one,” he smiles.

“Yes,” I reply as tears fill my eyes.

“When I’m not loving myself, it’s not just affecting my business. It’s influencing how I relate to life. It’s impacting on my enjoyment of every moment. It’s changing how I feel in my relationship. It’s altering how I am with friends and how I react in all of my activities.”

“Can you hear yourself,” the Life Coach asks.

“I hope you write about this and share it with everyone you know.”

I exhale deeply. I feel relieved. It’s so obvious, so simple, something I already know.

But I needed reminding. I needed to feel this anxiety, this pain and this pressure to understand that I haven’t been loving myself.

I acknowledge how far I’ve come. And I’m grateful for this experience as it’s showing me that I still have work to do. This time at a deeper level.

Yes, I could fill a whole notebook with To-Do lists and I have and will again. But when I’m not loving myself, I become paralysed with fear. I lack confidence, trust and self-belief.

When I don’t love myself, I can’t accept love from anyone else. I don’t see myself as deserving of all the good things in life.

However, when I love myself, I’m present. I enjoy the moment. I know that I’m safe. I can see that I’m capable, amazing even. I’m loving and loveable.

When I love myself, fearful projections transform into exciting projects. I’m filled with inspiration, enthusiasm, positive energy and hope. When I love myself, I’m happy and in the flow.

So for now, I have one task on my To-Do list: To love myself.

I challenge you to do the same. Let’s witness miracles at what unfolds from here…

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Posted in Love, Personal development, Positive Thinking

Tagged abundance, acceptance, anxiety, awareness, blog, blogger, blogging, body, business, business coaching, emotions, energy, enterpreneur, fear, feelings, flow, good, gratitude, happiness, headache, help, hope, ideas, inner critic, insight, inspiration, judgement, life, life coach, life coaching, living, love, mind, mind body spirit, miracles, money, negative thinking, negative thoughts, pain, positive thinking, positive thoughts, pressure, reaction, relationships, relief, responsibility, sadness, self-hatred, self-love, self-sabotage, sharing, thinking, understanding, work, writing

For a Reason

Posted on April 16, 2015 | Leave a comment

Three things I’m taking away from my Life Coaching session this morning:

1. I’m going to work with the “negative” voice that regularly pipes up with annoying statements like: “You’re not good enough.”

I’m going to coach this voice. I’ll listen to it and be there with it and ask it how it feels to believe such a statement.

I understand that it’s there for a reason. It’s actually there for my good as it’s showing me what I need to look at in order to heal. And so I give it, I give myself, compassion.

2. I’m not going to make assumptions or take things personally (And even if I do, I’ll be aware that I’m doing it).

I can’t know why anyone does or doesn’t do something. I don’t know what’s going on in their heads or what issues they have in their lives.

3. I’m going to stop focussing on all the things I can’t do and all the things I’m not.

Instead, I concentrate on my uniqueness and on the wonderful talents that I’m bringing to the world around me. We’re all different. There’s beauty in that.

And a fourth one that didn’t arise from the coaching session but that has made itself known to me in a more obvious manner than ever before:

It’s all unfolding perfectly.

I simply have to get out of my head and drop into my heart. Let go of control. Release fear. Relax.

I am present. I am open. I trust. And I realise that everything I need is provided for me. I allow, accept and give gratitude.

Sometimes, what comes isn’t how I would have imagined it. It may even hurt as I attempt to resist it.

But the learning and growth that emerges from what does come makes me realise that everything happens for a reason. And the incredible people and gifts that appear are better than anything I ever could have planned.

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Posted in Personal development, Positive Thinking, Spirituality

Tagged acceptance, allowing, anger, assumptions, beauty, beliefs, coaching, compassion, control, don miguel ruiz, emotions, empathy, fear, feelings, focus, gifts, gratitude, grief, growth, head, heart, inner critic, inner voice, insights, judgement, law of attraction, learning, letting go, life, life coaching, listening, living, manifestation, negative thinking, negativity, openness, peace, people, perfection, personal development, positive thinking, presence, present, present moment, relaxation, sadness, self-acceptance, self-development, self-esteem, self-worth, talents, the four agreements, thinking, thoughts, trust, understanding, unique, universe, world

The Naked Eye

Posted on February 9, 2015 | Leave a comment

I enter my friend’s bedroom in search of a particular book. I know what the book looks like and it isn’t here. My friend comes in and finds it instantly.

It has been lying, face down, on her bedside locker. I had been looking for the green front cover that was so familiar to me so I hadn’t recognised its white back cover.

We muse over this. When I’m searching for something, I presume to know how it should look. So I’m not open to seeing it when it appears in a different form.

A while later, I want to read up on something else. My friend informs me that the book I need should be in the bookcase in the hall. I methodically scan the books on the shelves. My internal dialogue revs up.

The book is probably right here but you can’t even see it. You’re so unobservant. In your line of work, you should be more astute. And you’re a writer. Come on, Sharon. Find the book!

I give up. My friend suggests that the book could be on her bedside locker. I open the door, turn to the left and bend towards the locker. I am so focused on my task that I don’t notice what’s right in front of me. An entire human being!

My friend’s 18-year-old son stands facing me, with a small towel wrapped around his waist. I straighten immediately, tell him how sorry I am, and flee the room. My friend and I collapse with laughter when I describe what’s just happened.

I have been berating myself for not seeing what’s right in front of me. So it takes something big (a scantily clad human being) to show me the humour in it all. I can enjoy the moment and laugh at myself.

Last week, I started a course. On the first night, I was surprised at how quickly everybody opened up to one another. My fellow classmates were great speakers and excellent storytellers. I remained silent and listened with interest.

We broke for tea. Everyone continued chatting. I still hadn’t spoken. I noticed people looking at me curiously.

And I was okay with that. I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I understood that sometimes it takes me a little longer to feel comfortable around strangers.

Towards the end of the evening, I spoke up. I hadn’t rushed myself. This was the right time for me.

It may have taken me thirty-four years but I now accept myself for all of my strengths, struggles and idiosyncrasies. I accept my introverted tendencies. I accept the ditzy part of myself. I accept my inner critic.

And I accept that sometimes I’m so lost in thought that I don’t notice what’s right in front of me. Even if it is a half-naked man.

laughingmom.com

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Posted in Personal development

Tagged acceptance, appearances, awareness, blindness, books, development, form, friendship, giving up, growth, gullible, humour, idiosyncrasies, illusion, inner critic, introvert, laughter, naive, negative thinking, openness, perception, presence, reading, searching, seeing, self-acceptance, self-analysis, self-awareness, self-love, strengths, struggle, teasing, thinking, thoughts, vision, work, writer

Make Friends With Yourself

Posted on November 22, 2013 | Leave a comment

I’ve been pretty tired lately as I’ve been really busy and noisy neighbours have been robbing me of my precious sleep. I noticed that I’ve started feeling anxious, rushed, under pressure and annoyed.

Little things that wouldn’t usually bother me were playing on my mind. My thoughts were ceaseless and I found it difficult to wind down.

I longed for a holiday far away from it all, where I could enjoy a complete lack of work, deadlines, meetings and boisterous children next door. I would sleep and walk in nature and breathe…

However, right now, I can’t just take off. Well, I could if I really wanted to as I always have a choice. So right now, I’m saying yes to the assignments and visits, dates and appointments.

But I still need to take a moment in between. I need to create space for myself amongst all the busyness so that I can hear what’s going on for me.

But wasn’t that the last thing I wanted to do? I was fed up of hearing myself think. I slouched off into the dark bedroom and flung myself on the bed. I was full to the brim with my own thoughts.

Last night, I gave my Positive Living group the homework of recording their self-talk for one day. The purpose of this is to monitor how many negatives and positives you’re telling yourself and to see what negative issues are most common.

I decided to take on this task today and what a day it was to complete such an exercise. My self-talk was predominantly negative, full of doubt and criticism, perfectionism and irritation. And when I realised how negative I’d been, I felt even more negative. I really was sick of the sound of my inner critic.

So instead of trying to analyse or reason with myself, I wondered: What would a friend say if they overheard my self-talk?

Instantly, my inner voice became encouraging and supportive, gentle and complimentary. My inner-friend was understanding and compassionate and even offered some useful advice.

She told me to always listen to what I needed, to prioritise and to take enough time to rest and have fun. She insisted that my health and happiness were of utmost importance and whatever I needed to do to conserve both of those things was absolutely worth doing.

And you know what, she was right. I must listen to her more often.

What’s your inner friend telling you?

artsymphony.blogspot.gr

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Posted in Health, Personal development, Positive Thinking

Tagged advice, anger, anxiety, assignments, breath, breathing, busyness, children, choice, dates, dating, deadlines, encouragement, exhaustion, freedom, friends, fun, gentleness, happiness, health, holiday, homework, inner critic, irritation, listening, love, meditation, mental-health, nature, negative thinking, negativity, noise, perfectionism, positive living classes, positive living group, positive thinking, positivity, pressure, priorities, relationships, rest, self-love, self-talk, self-worth, sleep, society, space, support, thinking, thoughts, time, understanding, walking, work

Dumping the Inner Critic

Posted on November 18, 2011 | 2 comments

skylar-smythe.blogspot.com

Are you fed up of listening to your inner critic? Well, I’m bloody exhausted! I’ve finally had enough of its negative chat so I’m determinedly defriending this dedicated demon.

Here’s what I’m gonna do. I’ll take it for a nice little drive… before abandoning it in the middle of nowhere. Yes, it’ll command me to come back, leaving dozens of pleading (and threatening) voice mails… I’ve got nowhere else to go! Who’s gonna talk to you 24/7? You’re nothing without me! I will hunt you down! But without me to collect it or pick up its calls, this inner critic will have to give up. All it wants is constant attention. If I ignore it, it will simply lose interest in me.

It will be awfully quiet without this lifelong leech but the only one who’ll really miss it is my ego. And one day, when I’m brave enough, I’ll ditch that cunning so-and-so too. Those two deserve each other! I’ll no longer be part of that unhealthy three-way. And when our paths cross again, as I stroll arm-in-arm with my new-found freedom, I’ll greet them with a very friendly middle finger salute. Then walk away.