Tag Archives: life

Reap what you Sow

I just received a gift. A big one. I am shocked and delighted. And I can see how much pleasure these extremely generous people are deriving from my reaction. Yet there is an element of resistance within me. It’s like I feel it is unfair for me to be presented with this when other people would have to work hard to get it.

For the past number of months, every morning before I get out of bed and sometimes before I fall asleep, I’ve been giving gratitude for all the wonderful aspects of my life. For those who haven’t heard of the law of attraction, the theory is that whatever you put your attention on multiplies. I don’t believe it’s really about material manifestations. Rather, it involves generating more of that beautiful feeling of gratitude, and this means creating more things in your life that you’re grateful for.

So even though I hadn’t specifically asked for this, and a part of me feels oddly guilty upon receiving it, my attitude of gratitude is working. Clearly, I have issues I need to be aware of. So I can start believing I deserve good things in my life. So I can understand that guilt is a useless, destructive emotion. So I can realise that things don’t have to be difficult. And so I can stop caring what others might think of me. If I manage to achieve all that, who knows what other exciting surprises are just around the corner.

I want amazing things for you too so I suggest that you start practising gratitude daily. Keep a gratitude journal or mentally list off a number of things you’re thankful for each day. And watch the little (and large) miracles that come your way. Enjoy. You deserve it.

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picstopin.com

Building Blocks

Today, I overheard a man ask a woman a rather unusual question: “What would you do if you had a big bag of feathers and the wind caught it and blew the feathers all over the place?” I couldn’t hear the woman’s response but she looked indignant. The man considered his companion’s answer before saying: “You should see it as a challenge. You should look at what kind of day it is and enjoy picking up each and every feather.”

I felt like I needed to hear this strange conversation. Just earlier, I had read an article that caught my attention because its title was “Having a Low Point is Actually a Good Thing”. And tonight, a friend was texting me about living in the present moment. Yet again, life was waving a giant banner in my line of sight until I could ignore it no longer.

I’ve written a lot about acceptance and being present yet I still struggle when I trip up. It was only a few days ago when I stumbled upon (excuse the pun) this quote: “The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping-stones is how you use them.” Even though I believe that everything happens for a reason, I grow impatient every once in a while. I curse my “bad luck”. I wonder if I’ll ever have all the things I want to have. I try to control when things happen and what they’re going to look like. I know it’s foolish. And I know it’s impossible to forecast the outcome of every situation. Woody Allen once said: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” 

I realise that what I think would be best for me may in fact limit me in the long run. This is why, when people ask God or The Universe for something, they add: “This or something better.” I can’t tell what wonderful things are waiting for me in the wings. But I do know that worrying about the future or feeling lack instead of abundance is not helping me get where I want to get or, more importantly, enjoy where I am right now.

Tonight, as I flicked through Thich Nhat Hanh’s Anger, I came across a simple meditation. It involves silently saying these words: “Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out. In, out.” Now, that is taking life moment by moment. It may appear boring or tedious or frustrating but it is simple. And simple is exactly what I need. In, out. Here, now. Feather by beautiful feather.

Alive

On Sunday, I put my back out at the gym. For the rest of the day, I was in a considerable amount of pain and could hardly move. I felt rather sorry for myself as I lay in bed. I was cranky and bored. I realised that I don’t make a very good patient. In fact, I am incredibly impatient because I want to get better quickly so that I can do all the things I had planned.

Last night, I went to see The Sessions in The Riverbank Arts Centre. The movie is based on a man with polio who was mostly paralysed from the neck down. He was a poet and a journalist with a great sense of humour. Despite his predicament, he was able to reach out to experience life and love.

This morning, I sipped a soy latte in the Keadeen Hotel while a large group of deaf people laughed and signed excitedly beside me. They were full of fun and togetherness.

And I just watched a clip from The Saturday Night Show with 16-year-old Donal Walsh who is terminally ill with cancer. This brave, inspiring young man spoke out about suicide and how he is grateful for every extra day he has to live. He hopes that his death will make people appreciate life more. He is sad to be leaving behind all the beautiful things of this world. Since his prognosis, he has given up school, travelled, and raised over €50,000 for Our Lady’s Children’s Hospital in Crumlin.

It was as though I was being constantly reminded of how lucky I am and how I need to put things into perspective. A healthy or seemingly perfect life may not be as rich as the lives  of some of these so-called dying or disabled people. If you are able to open yourself to love, able to share and enjoy the wonderful moments of life with family and friends, able to laugh and learn and experience, and able to really live life, then you are truly blessed. It is then that you are really alive.

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Twists and Turns

Last night, I dreamed that I was chatting with the band members of Kodaline (a talented Irish band). I learned that they had gone through tough times but are now doing very well for themselves and are currently number one in the Irish charts. I woke thinking about how what we perceive to be failures or catastrophes are, in the grand scheme of things, exactly what is meant to happen at that time in order to bring us to where we need to be.

And because synchronicity works in wonderful ways, this morning I received an email from TUT saying: “Only in hindsight, Sharon, will the miracles become obvious, will you see you were guided, and will you find there was order all along.”

I’ve quoted this before but it’s worth repeating: “It will be okay in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.” As Wayne Dyer suggests, we are being taken care of. Recently, I was driving in what I was sure to be the wrong direction yet I wound up exactly where I wanted to be. Afterwards, I realised that this was a good analogy for the journey of life and the “wrong” turns we often make. Instead of cursing our bad luck, wouldn’t it be easier to have faith? To trust in Divine Timing. To remember our elders’ words: “What’s for you won’t pass you by.”

I’ve had relationships end and I felt heartbroken at the time. Now, I’m so grateful that I’m no longer with any of those partners as we would have been miserable together. In fact, I was feeling so depressed over a guy that I started this blog. For a short stint of suffering, I’ve gained over two years of writing and I’m still thoroughly enjoying it. I’ve had hardship in my life but that’s what has gotten me into the line of work I’m doing. If I hadn’t had those experiences, I wouldn’t have the compassion and understanding that allows me to help others.

Sometimes, things end and we struggle against it but what it’s doing is leaving a space for something better to come along. I know people who were made redundant in the past few years. Of course, they felt extremely worried and dismayed but now they’re pursuing lines of work that they’re passionate about.

Others have had unexpected pregnancies and they believed that their lives were over. But it was the beginning (quite literally) of a new life and most of them wouldn’t change it for the world.

My aunt was working in the catering industry when she fell into a deep fat fryer. She spent a year in hospital and, as a result, decided to go into nursing. And that is how she met the man she married.

My mother and her friends were island hopping in Greece one summer. They had arranged to meet someone on the island of Paros. When they heard the announcement “Antiparos”, they presumed they should change boats. They ended up on a tiny island called Antiparos and fell in love with the place. And that’s where my mother met my father. And how I (and then my brother and sister) came into being.

If we were to let go of the need to control the outcome of everything, we wouldn’t get so disappointed or stressed. So when something you’re looking forward to is cancelled, consider other options. And the next time you’re running late for something, don’t go into fight or flight mode. Chill out. It’s not a huge deal. Do your health a favour and relax. Perhaps you weren’t meant to be in that place at that particular time. We’ve all heard stories of people who couldn’t make it somewhere no matter how hard they tried and this “stroke of fate” saved their lives.

Instead of fussing over what you think is going wrong in your life, try accepting that everything happens for a reason. There’s a lesson to be learned here. This is preparing you for something bigger and better than you ever imagined. Yes, we have free will. But we can also have faith and trust and surrender. Let go and enjoy the ride.

All is Well

In his movie The ShiftDr Wayne W. Dyer speaks about the first nine months of our lives. He points out that, in utero, everything is taken care of for us. We don’t worry about how we’re going to look or what we’re going to do when we leave the womb. We simply are. We are in total surrender.

Dr Dyer then puts forward this theory: If everything is looked after for us while we are in our mothers’ bellies, who’s to say that the same doesn’t hold true throughout the rest of our lives? So, when you’re worried about money, your career, health, children or love life, take a step back and let go of control. Release your ego’s expectations of how you think things should happen. Everything is unfolding exactly as it should. This does not mean that you give up. It is the opposite of giving up. It is trusting that all is well.

I came across this quote recently by an unknown author: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” And Florence Scovel Shinn wrote: “Replace fear with faith.” I remind myself regularly of these two quotes. Some people think that faith and surrender are too passive, even stupid, that we have free will and need to take action in order to survive. I believe that once we, as Florence Scovel Shinn put it, replace fear with faith, we become more aligned with our true potential and purpose. Grievances, hardships, mistakes and disappointments no longer have such a strong hold over us. We have faith that we are loved and that all is well. Thus, we are stronger and more confident in our quest to live life fully and to fulfil our destiny.

We were born as human beings onto this planet and we are an integral part of this magnificent universe. However, soon after our birth, we began to doubt our perfection. We started to question our self-worth by filling our minds with fears, worries and insecurities. We have removed ourselves from the present moment and insist on living out of the past and the future. We don’t believe that we will be okay, that we are okay. Yet, we trust that the animals, trees, plants and flowers are okay. They grow and feed and reproduce without worrying. They have all that they need when they need it. And when they lose their leaves or wilt or even die, we trust that it’s part of the natural process. New leaves and flowers appear. Saplings bounce out of the earth. Why should we doubt that this does not apply to us as humans?

We are a perfect creation of God. We were born out of pure love. We are pure love. What we call evil or sin is just a movement away from God, away from love. And God loves us regardless. It is this unconditional love that we need to accept. This trust that all is well. This surrender to the wisdom, beauty and omnipotence of the Universe. For once we surrender, we can truly appreciate and enjoy each and every moment.

all is well

Happiness Now!

There is no better spiritual practice than doing the things that make you happy. Happiness is your meditation, your mantra, your prayer.  Laughter is your therapy, your medicine, your exercise.  Self-love is the only diet you need, the best relationship you can have, and the greatest education you can undertake.  

You don’t need rules, regulations and hardship to achieve happiness.  Do what you love.  Live your joy, your enthusiasm, your inspiration.  Anita Moorjani tells us to be ourselves, recognise our magnificence, and live our lives fearlessly. There is no better message.  It is so simple.  If we understood this on a deep level and really believed it, we would never need another self-help book.

Robert Holden said: “You will never become happy.  You can only be happy.” Stop striving for happiness.  Be it.  Don’t wait until you’re on holiday or in a relationship or earning enough money before you’ll allow yourself to feel happy. As the old adage goes, “There’s no time like the present.”  I say, There’s no time but the present.  So give yourself the gift of happiness right now.

Life doesn’t have to be as difficult as we make it out to be.  If your raw food diet is making you miserable, the thought of meditating for an hour is bringing you out in a sweat, your stack of still-to-read self-help books is putting you under pressure, and the gym is about as alluring as a garlic-smothered crucifix would be to a vampire, give yourself a break.

Wander around the library and treat yourself to that novel everyone’s been raving about.  Bake carrot cake muffins.  Dance.  Sing.  Paint.  Swim in the river and feast your eyes on the ocean.  Travel to foreign cities and sample their culture, their language, their cafés.  Give someone a hug.  A real hug.  Spend time with friends and be present with them.  Laugh.  Cry.  Play with your children. Light a fire and watch a wonderful movie with a sweet mug of tea.  Go hiking in the mountains.  This is your life.  Be yourself and do it your way.  Love it.  Live it.  Do it now.

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The Curse of the Compliment

 

On my way to Naas this evening, I glimpsed a sun-soaked field of hay rolls. I pulled over because I simply had to take a picture of it. As I snapped a couple of shots, a group of lads wolf-whistled at me from a passing car. I couldn’t help but grin even though just this morning, I’d been thinking about how the ego loves a good stroking. My ego did a little dance, smirked and whooped: “I’ve still got it!”

Just today, I’d been pondering the difference between the ego and the authentic self in relation to compliments. I’ll compare the ego to a bitchy girl at school. She’ll be your best friend so long as you’re giving her what she wants but, as soon as you’re no longer serving her, she’ll stab you in the back. The authentic self is the soul, the spirit; it is pure love.

The ego longs to be complimented. Tell it it’s lost weight and it’ll love you forever… Or until you’ve gained a few pounds. Then, it’ll convince you you’re ugly and unfit for society. The ego’s praise is conditional. The fear is that if you don’t live up to your ego-imposed standards of perfection, you will fail, you will be worthless and you will not be loved. The ego survives on fear. Luckily, if you stop feeding it, it will become weak. In contrast, the authentic self gives and receives love. Simple. The more complimented things are, the more likely your ego is involved.

Here is an example of an ego-based compliment: “You’ve lost weight, you look great!” Nice to hear but it implies that you didn’t look good before you lost the weight and you won’t be attractive if you put it on again. In comparison, the following is a declaration to the authentic self: “You’re beautiful.” Love without limits or guidelines or terms and conditions.

When someone gives you an admiring glance, you may feel thrilled and self-satisfied. He/she may just be imagining what’s underneath your clothes  (and I’m not talking about your soul in this case!) but it keeps the fear at bay momentarily. Until the next time you spot a grey hair/wrinkle/patch of cellulite and you’re back to living in fear of getting old and dying alone. However, when someone looks you in the eye and smiles a genuine smile and it doesn’t matter your age or race or creed or dress size – you just connect on a higher level – there’s a feeling of warmth and authenticity that’s missing in the previous scenario.

That’s not to say that you can’t enjoy a few words of praise or encouragement. Just remember that the ego only does back-handed compliments. If it can lift you up with approval, be sure that it’ll chew you up, spit you out and stomp all over you at the first sign of criticism or disapproval.

As I reached my destination, I chuckled delightedly. Because I love life. And autumn fields of hay rolls. And my 32-year-old body. And anonymous wolf-whistlers. And the ego with all its tricks and tribulations. And the authentic self for knowing better.

A Special Message

A girl walks by the window of the café I am sitting in. She has a limp, a large head, glasses, and her mouth is set in a sort of grimace. I look away as I don’t want her to think I’m staring just because she doesn’t look like the average human being.

Then, it strikes me – how many other people refuse to look this little girl’s way for the very same reason? If she doesn’t already feel different from the rest of the world, surely a lifetime of averted gazes will add to her sense of separateness and disconnection. Doesn’t she too deserve to be showered with looks of love, admiration and interest? Should she too not experience a world of inclusion and togetherness? I watch her sit in to a car. And I watch her father sit in beside her. Tears come to my eyes at the pure, unconditional love that I have been looking away from all these years.

In my lifetime, so far, I have not had much contact with people with special needs and so I feared that I wouldn’t know how to relate to these people or how to treat them. I worried that I wouldn’t do the “right” thing. I now realise that I was too much in my head and so very far removed from my heart. I also know that it is fear and ignorance that is at the root of  discrimination, bullying, violence and even war.

Just this morning, on Hay House Radio, a woman phoned in to speak about her newly born child, who has special needs. She worried that she wouldn’t be able for the challenges that this new life would bring. Interestingly, the presenter pointed out that this situation would teach her compassion. Not for her daughter so much as for the people she might encounter, who would ridicule and ostracise her child.

Life is life in all its forms and shapes and containers. A soul is a soul no matter the physical appearance of the instrument. And beauty is the light that burns bright within and around each and every being in the Universe. The lesson is to learn from every person we come into contact with and, even more importantly, from how we react to these people. Today, this is the lesson that I have learned. And so I thank that beautiful girl on the street with all of my heart.

True beauty is witnessed with love

Photo credit: Jessica Watson

Message in a Bottled Dream

Last week, I had a dream that I was climbing a cliff of purple amethyst. I had to think carefully about where to place my hands and feet. Suddenly, I became aware of how precarious my position was, how high up I was, how far I had to fall, how vulnerable I was. I was terrified. People below shouted words of praise and encouragement. I thought: It doesn’t matter what anybody else says or does. The belief has to come from within.

Something about this dream seemed relevant so I revisited it to search for its meaning. I read the words I’d scrawled, drunk with sleep, in my journal. The first message was obvious: Belief must come from within. The second message was slightly more obscure. In the dream, I’d felt fine while climbing the cliff until a thought had changed everything. The thought was: I am unsafe. I am in danger. And so I became frightened. I was paralysed with fear. A simple thought can totally transform our reality. Therefore, a different thought or even a detachment from the thought can alter our reality in a more positive way.

Recently, I was chatting to a lady who felt depressed. She said: “What’s weighing me down is the thought that I am like this, that I am depressed.” It wasn’t the depression that was making her feel bad, it was the thought of being depressed that she couldn’t escape. As Byron Katie would say, “Who would you be without the thought?” A whole lot lighter! In my dream, who would I be without the thought that I might fall? I would be confident and secure and present in my task of climbing.

As I shut my journal, I realised that the dream didn’t really possess two separate meanings. Both messages pointed in the same direction: Everything comes from within us. Our thinking is what makes our reality. The thought doesn’t have us; we have the thought. We choose every single thought. So, we can replace thoughts that fill us with fear, anger or sadness with thoughts of peace, love and happiness. We can empower ourselves and enrich our own lives. We can choose to live in the present and enjoy each and every moment.

I Wanna Live in a Dream

Yesterday, I observed a group of teenagers getting into the sea. One-by-one. Slowly. Reluctantly. When just one remained, dry and shivering by the water’s edge, his friends shouted words of encouragement: “Come on!” “Just do it!” “Don’t let my mam get in before you!”

One of the boys in the water looked up and said: “Just jump in! Pretend you’re dreaming.” I’d never heard anyone say something like that before. It got me thinking: What other things could we make possible for ourselves if we made like this was just a dream?

Pretending this is a dream would enable us to detach from fear. Fear is what keeps us stuck. If we were to extricate ourselves from the debilitating clutches of fear, we would finally start really living.

This way of thinking would also require us to stop taking everything so seriously. GK Chesterton wrote: “Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.” This quote was the welcome message on my phone for a number of years. It’s amazing how much easier life becomes when you don’t take it or yourself so seriously.

And, finally, pretending that this is all just a dream means having faith that everything will be okay. I came across this quote recently: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” Having faith means that even though things may seem painful, sad or difficult right now, you always have a knowing that everything is working out exactly as it should. Everything is in perfect order. Florence Scovel-Shinn wrote: “Replace fear with faith.” This is my new go-to quote any time I feel that familiar flutter of panic, dread or doubt. It enables me to let go.

If we could banish fear, take ourselves lightly, have faith and let go, can you imagine what we could achieve? And, more importantly, how we would feel? We would be free to really enjoy life. Isn’t it funny how acting like life is just a dream can result in really living?

And if you’re wondering what got that guy in to the sea in the end, I could lie and say that what his friend said about the dream had a profound effect on him and he jumped in, fearless and triumphant. But in truth, as his friend’s mother edged towards the ocean, he shouted: “You’re not getting in before me!” while dive-bombing into the water.

Different strokes…

What would you do if this was just a dream?

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